random thoughts

It's just me i guess. Sometimes, it might be lame and stuff, sometimes i hope you will lame back, or even laugh when it is not funny, at least I have a supporter nevertheless. Well, I guess I am here on this earth to bring joy into people's life, but then again who is going to bring joy into mine?

LOVE

You never want to be the first person in the relationship to say “I love you,” especially if the relationship is brand new. Or do you? What if you already know four months into dating someone that you love them? They are the person you think about before you go to bed at night and you fit together so well and you can totally see yourself with them for the foreseeable future. Is that love? Is it lust? What should we call that weird space between “I like you” and “I love you”?

We are afraid to say “I love you.” If you throw yourself out there and drop the L-bomb and the other person is just not feeling you that way, the relationship can get sour. Or what if you’re the person waiting to say “I love you” but you’re too scared to just take the plunge and it’s driving you crazy to keep this big secret?

“I love you” has always been a difficult thing for me to say. It’s not that I’m incapable of loving people, but I didn’t grow up in an overly warm household and a lot of that probably rubbed off on me. My mother was always distant even when she was right there in front of me, and sometimes all I wanted was for her to tell me that she loved me, to make me feel loved. It never happened, and I always felt like the unloved child of the bunch until I learned to start loving myself. So now when I get into relationships I’m almost never the first person to say “I love you,” even if I know I’m bat shit cray cray/head over heels for him. It’s not great, I know, but I’m one of those people who just assumes that the other person knows how I feel already. I always do cute little things and drop subtle hints so they know I care. Actions speak louder than words, don’t they?

After about a year of dating someone, give or take a few months,
you enter that space where it’s kind of expected that one of you is going to drop the L-bomb. Maybe you’re trying to get out of the relationship and you hope that he or she doesn’t say it because then you’ll be forced to fake some kind of passionate response, or maybe you’re looking forward to the moment and the great sex you’ll have afterwards. No matter how it goes, saying “I love you” for the first time to a new person is big.

But does it have to be? Love, as we know, is a “four-letter word that has been tragically co-opted by the romance industrial complex.” It’s become this special word engulfed by chocolates and heart shapes that we are supposed to reserve for few people when the truth is that over the course of our lives we will have many loves.

Saying you love someone and feeling loved are two of life’s greatest feelings, but we shouldn’t feel nervous about telling people we love them and we shouldn’t get freaked out when somebody says it to us first. Maybe we should all love each other on our own terms. If somebody says “I love you” and you’re not sure how you feel, instead of being awkward, you should honestly tell them, “I think you’re amazing and I want to keep doing this but I’m just not there yet” and that should be okay. If they know how you feel, maybe that’ll get them to tell you how they feel that much sooner.

If you read this somehow, I hope you will find the guy that you will say "I love you" for the bottom of your heart. I am glad that I have the chance to say it to you. 

Out of the way

As we all know, few things have grown more worn down and shoddy with overuse than the words “I love you.” When strung together, you could elicit everything from what a couple says before they slip a ring onto each other’s finger, all the way to a sorority girl’s proclamation to the roommate she’s “married” to on Facebook. The term has lost some meaning. So, though they may be a bit cumbersome, I propose a few new terms that more succinctly get to the heart of the matter. This, my friends, is true love.

“I would pick you up at the airport at 7 AM, not even the airport that’s closest to me — the one you have to take 1-95 to get to. I’d go there even if there wasn’t a McDonald’s on the way to get some hash browns and McMuffins. I would settle for gas station breakfast on the way because that’s how much you mean to me.”

“If you are 99 percent sure you’ve discovered the coworker who isn’t flushing on the second floor bathroom, and have further deduced that it’s the same one who has been bad-mouthing you to your boss, I will let you talk about this. I will listen to your corporate Sherlocking for at least 20 minutes, despite the fact that literally none of this story is engaging to an outsider. I will help you plan ways to catch him not flushing, and simultaneously use this information against him with the boss. We will be a team.”

“No matter how incredibly lackluster your mother’s cooking is — and despite the fact that you’ll never fully understand this, as you’ve grown up eating Shake-N-Bake and lettuce with literally just oil and white vinegar on it — I will always be game to go eat at your parents’ house. I will always help her prepare the potatoes (which she will proceed to simply boil and put on a plate), and be kind and respectful to her wishes. I will compliment, but not so much it seems fake. (Though I may secretly eat a burger later that night — I am only human.)”

“I will spend weeks — maybe months — before Christmas trying to think of something really special to get you. I will get extremely excited wrapping the gift, and learn to deeply hate myself, as, once again, I didn’t cut enough paper for one side and the corner looks like it got into a fight with a pair of scissors and has to be stitched up with Scotch tape so its innards don’t fall out all over the operating table. I’ll still get all pumped when I’m handing it to you, I’ll just tell you not to look at the left side.”

“Because I know doing dishes fills you with some kind of inhuman rage, and though it’s not my favorite thing in the world, it doesn’t drive me to suicide — I’ll do the dishes. I’ll put some music on and do the entire sink. I’ll even even go back to finish the pans after I let them soak, universally recognized as the truest sign of dishwashing dedication.”

“For no one else, but for you alone, I will allow my music to be touched. You can change it and put on something that makes me question the entirety of human history — how could it have possibly led to a man on the moon, a vaccine for polio, and this horrendous song? — but I’ll listen to the whole thing and even maybe bop my head a little to the left and right. A little.
”

“I will suddenly look at all the things in life that seemed incredibly lame — going to bed early, making complex plans for the future, and driving out the country just to be in an empty house — and think they seem kind of, well, tempting. I’ll want to start constructing things that will last for a long time, and coming back to work on them more later. My horizons will extend beyond brunch this weekend, and I’ll start actually using that horrendous panda calendar my aunt bought me.”

“I’ll realize that I’m not the only person in the world. Little by little.”

I guess this is love when you would go out of the way to do something for the significant others even i you have to forgo sleep etc just because their happiness is also your happiness. I guess it goes to show how much the other partner meant to you. Talk is cheap, if you dont show it or say it, no one will ever know.

Go tell someone that you love them. Go tell them that they are important, and that you are glad to be a part of their life. Make plans with them, and keep them. Hug them just a few seconds longer than we usually do when we see someone that we haven’t seen in a while, even if it feels weird at first. It’s not weird. It’s the best thing we can do to hold someone tight enough that there can be no doubt as to how much they matter in this world. Hug the ones who are there for you, who surround you so completely that you can sometimes forget they are keeping you warm. 

Treasure them when they are around, dont wait till they are gone.

SEEING YOU

I guess you never notice since I get to see you almost everyday, maybe you grow sick of me? I dunno. But i guess I did bring joy into your life, making you smile when you are down, pissing you off even more when you are piss. But at the end of the day, when the night falls, you are all that I have in mind. And seeing you is always the favourite part of my day. (:

Have you found someone like this? If you have stop cheating yourself, your heart, and whatsoever, drop everything now, and chase after them. 

time to say goodbye?

Maybe....

你是我最深愛的人

妳是我最深愛的女人.我是不是妳最深愛的男人?

Is that why I am in love with you?

I’m in love with you because you’re lovable. If you were to be put in a line-up of people and someone asked me, “Who would you love the most?”, I would pick you. You know why? You have kind eyes. You have eyes that make everyone else’s look dark and scary, including mine. How does one even get kind eyes? How do I convey warmth and vulnerability all in one glance? I guess I’ll just leave to that you. You’re the nice one in this relationship. You’re the one who makes me want to be more empathetic and stronger.

I’m in love with you because you make me feel safe. It sounds corny and vague. People always talk about feeling safe with someone and you wonder what it even means. I still don’t really know. All I know is that when I’m with you, I feel like I’m clutching a giant thing of pepper spray or reliving a moment of being carried to bed by my parents when I was five years old and fell asleep in front of the television. All day long, I can feel fragile, like a raw nerve, and when I come home to you, it’s like I just put on the thickest winter coat and installed bulletproof windows in my apartment. “Honey, I’m home….and no longer terrified.”

I’m in love with you because I’m not obsessed with you. This is a distinction worth noting, one that took me a long time to learn. In the past, I would confuse obsession with love. If I felt things intensely and regarded my lover as a mentor, it would mean that I was in head over heels. They were all the way up there and I was down here, studying them like a dutiful pupil, and that dynamic felt comfortable to me. That wasn’t real love though. Real love isn’t rife with inequities. I’m in love with you because you’re my equal. We’re on the same page. It’s stable, unlike obsession, which is inherently erratic.

I’m in love with you because you’re my best friend. When people hesitate to call their partner their best friend, I’m incredulous as to why. Shouldn’t we all be falling in love with our best friend? By saying this, we’re not diminishing the value of our platonic friendships. They’re incomparable and exist in completely different realms. You need both to feel fulfilled.  I need you, I need them. I need it all.

I’m in love with you because we aren’t afraid to fight. Relationships shouldn’t be a series of highs and lows but they shouldn’t be completely even either. You need to have disagreements in order to know that your love is strong, that it can survive trivial resentments, the debate between whether or not to get hydrangeas or lilies, chicken or steak, an action movie or a romcom. What these tiffs illustrate is the art of compromise. I’m beginning to realize that a big part of love is just relinquishing control and giving up your right to be a total brat. The idea should be that you love them more than any surface decision. You’re fine with being unhappy about the action movie, so long as they’re happy and you know you’ll be rewarded with an extra long orgasm later so it’s fine. Give and take, give and take.

I’m in love with you because you’re the peanut butter to my jelly. Ew, see what you’re making me do here? Yeah, love makes you behave like a complete sap and not give a F about it. It’s refreshing to not be so self-conscious about your behavior 24/7. You can just use your “I’M IN  LOVE #sorrynotsorry” card whenever you see yourself go over the deep end. Here’s the thing: There’s nothing more rewarding in this world than knowing that you’re being understood. Someone is seeing all of you and accepting it as is. “I’ll take the one with the beautiful dents that likes to cry at commercials. I see potential in this one.” You take me and I take you. Sold.

Sitting alone at starbucks, listening to Yiruma, studying, people watching, thinking about life could be therapeutic after all. ((: 

Love is not obsession. 

Date someone who cares about you.

You should be with someone who values your time and calls when they say they are going to, who shows up on time to a date or texts you if they are going to be late. Spend your time with people who aren’t too important to look up from their phone and stop texting when you are speaking or who know not to answer unimportant calls when you are together. Someone who politely apologizes for taking that important call and knows who to pick up for. Someone who also knows that their parents and their grandparents are important in their life, too, and has a good enough relationship with their family to pick up when they call. Someone who still tells their mother or father “I love you,” even when they are in public, and who can’t wait to tell you, when the time is ready.

Date a person who is chivalrous, not as in “into patriarchy, paternalism and/or oppressing you” but as in someone who isn’t afraid to show they care about you. No matter your gender, be with someone who wants to open the door for you, just to smile as they watch you walk through it, and someone who lets you do the same for them. Someone who will pull out a chair for you or stand up when you leave the table, not because it’s expected of them socially but they want to show you how much your company means to them. Someone who wants to walk you home, not only to make sure you are safe but also because they want to spend more time with you and smile at you as your smile disappears behind the door. Someone who will wait up to hear you got home safe if they can’t walk you home and will ask you to walk them home, because they want to feel protected by you, too.

Seek out a mate who isn’t afraid to hold your hand or put their coat around you when you look cold, who knows that Public Displays of Affection aren’t as important as knowing you are cared for, even in small ways. Put your energy into a person who puts their energy and effort into you, someone who will buy you flowers if you like flowers or knows exactly what book you would want on your birthday. Someone who has listened to your opinions, your hopes and your desires enough to know the things you like and the things you don’t like, the correct ways to show you they care. Someone who knows to ask when you want to be held and caressed and when you want your space, when you want to have sex and what consent is. Someone who knows how important the word “no” is.

Date a person who tells you nice things about yourself and builds up your confidence but challenges you when you need to be challenged. You deserve to be with those who know when to argue and to call you on your bullsh-t, but also know when signals from you tell them to leave you alone and let it be. Someone who won’t let you go to bed angry and is willing to talk about what’s bothering you, if even what’s bothering you doesn’t quite make sense or seem that important to them. Someone who knows that personal relationships aren’t as simple as who is right and who is wrong, that your opinion and perspective are valid, even when the two of you totally disagree. Someone who knows you aren’t always right and they aren’t always right but are willing to affirm the person your belief system, because your opinions are a part of the person they adore.

Spend time with people who don’t make you choose between being friends and being lovers, who you feel like you can genuinely have fun and be comfortable with. You need to be able to be casual, hang out in your pajama pants and be like buddies sometimes, while also valuing the romantic side of your connection. Someone who (when you get that far) understands what balance is in a relationship, that sometimes you need to go out and do your own thing. Someone who trusts you to make your own choices and to come home and be with them at the end of the night without the need to interrogate you, or if you are in an open relationship, someone who always trusts that your connection is stronger. Someone who gets that being together and waking up together every day is a choice, one you have to continue to make and continue to commit to.

Date someone who wants what you want, who is open to the idea of the relationship you desire with another human being. You need to be with people who are open to what you have to give to them and are willing to match it. Someone who has communicated enough on the subject to know what you are looking for with someone, whether that be a fling, friends with benefits or a person to bring home to your parents or chosen family. Someone who isn’t afraid to give you what you want in life but also respects themselves enough to have standards and value what they need and deserve in this relationship (or even friendship!) Someone who isn’t afraid to let you know how they feel: about you, about life, about what’s important to them, about the future or about whatever is on their mind.

Life is short, so you shouldn’t waste it on someone who doesn’t understand you, refuses to try and get you, won’t put in the time for you, who is rude to you, your friends or to other people and doesn’t even call you. Don’t worry about if they read, if they don’t read, if they watch movies or if they’re into the wrong kind of music; worry about whether they care that you do. Details are important, but if the world ends this year, it’ll be more important to say you wasted the time you have left with someone who cares. 

Rainy days

I guess rainy days are needy days. You yearn for someone to be with you, to cuddle under the sheets, to watch a show together. This is the ideal sunday that people dream off doesnt it? Sleep in, wake up, cuddle, snuggle, tease each other till when both are hungry, get out of bed maybe cook, or head out for brunch. then people watch at beach or what not or just read a book and let time pass. Get away from the buzzing city life, take some time of to slow down your own life. Life is good isnt it? I guess sometime in life you need someone to be there for you, someone that you know you love them and they reciprocate theirs in their own ways. Then again, the need of someone is because you are lonely and just need a company to fulfill your needs, or generally wanting someone for you to share everything you have with. Love is wonderful yet at the same time could be disastrous. I dont know what I am trying to say either but the gist of it is. There is definitely fate, someone may walk out of you but years down, your path may cross again and then you will know he/she is the one for you.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/the-soulmate-you-deserve/#KvYbI1JKD1yL9qpW.01

It was a miracle for me. And that 10 secs of insane courage to ask for your name. 
If only...

More than words

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/23-ways-to-show-someone-you-love-them/

I guess, sometimes, it felt as though I was writing it.

I still have the chords written on paper. I think i spent 1month learning with the help of many others? This song will forever reminds me of you, us. All the best for finals everyone. Enjoy the song.

Saying I love you
Is not the words
I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say
But if you only knew
How easy
It would be to
Show me how you feel
More than words
Is all you have to do
To make it real
Then you wouldn't
Have to say
That you love me
Cos I'd already know

What would you do
If my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say
If I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you

Its more than words,
Its more than what you say
Its the things you do
Oh yeah
Its more than words,
Its more than what you say
Its the things you do
Oh yeah

Now that I've tried to
Talk to you
And make you understand
All you have to do
Is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands

And touch me
Hold me close
Don't ever let me go
More than words
Is all I ever
Needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say
That you love me
Cos I'd already know

What would you do
If my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you

Wish.

Goodnight world.

Some meaning tweets.

Some meaningful tweets as I battle to stay awake with studies.

If the feelings are mutual, the effort will be equal.

Don't promise when you're happy, don't reply when you're angry, and don't decide when you're sad.

Things don’t have to last forever as a prerequisite to them being worthwhile.

Sometimes, it is the memories that you miss, not the company. 

When you truly love someone, you don't judge them by their past. You leave it there. Just be happy that their future is with you.


Stay strong R,

Jack.

A new beginning

I finally did say out what was bothering me this whole time, I guess I also need to reflect on my part. I should really fight for my own happiness. I should try to be more vocal because not everyone thinks the same. If you don't say then no one else will know. Thank you for teaching me how to look at things from different perspective, and how to grow as a person. That conversation that we had when grams pass away did have a big impact on me and I am glad you were the one.

I am not very vocal and I tend to only say the important stuff but I realise, like that you will never get to know someone better, the small stuff are important too. Like yesterday when you came back and told me about the whole shopping trip, it did not bore me but instead I am listening actively and very happy because I feel that because you want to tell that person so much because you want them to know and share your happiness etc. I am really glad and it did change my perspective towards certain stuff. I want to know more about you, and on my part I want to tell you about my stuff. sometimes i dunno how to but i will try my best! ((:  Help me improve, let me know the problem so I can make it better and we could all learn from it.

As I have promise, and I want to pull the past behind us and move forward. Don't think of the many reasons the relationship wont work, but instead think of the one reason that it will work out. It is going to be tough, but like what I said, we have each other's support! HANG IN THERE! Because there is always sliver lining behind the cloud, a sunshine after the rain. I meant it the first time I said it over skype, and that is:

I LOVE YOU, R

Jack.

Travelling

I guess this is rather true, being out of your comfort zone, makes you more vulnerable, makes you more susceptible to changes. It helps you grow as well as get to know each other. I travelled once with you, though not on a 1-1 basis but I hope you would be the one that I will have with me during my travel. Well. Time will tell. ((: It was really fun and memorable.

 http://www.fourjandals.com/travel-tips/couples-travel-before-marriage/

Emo thoughts

Some emo thought while studying lol,

Sometimes it's quite sad that one do not own a car, yes it is extra burden, unnecessary, but sometimes, just sometimes, it would be good to have one. 

Which girl do not like to get ferried around? Which girl does not like to wear pretty dresses, maxi, nice heels and not worry having to walk too long a distance? It is sad that sometime i want to do some nice things, like drive you around, bring you to nice cafe that i researched on. Like that day(but unfortunately I scraped the bottom) sigh ):  but am limited to what I have.

You can do so many things with a car, like drive to somewhere cosy(hilltop), beach, just to watch a movie under the moonlight, by the beach side, with a blanket just talk about anything, or even nothing. Some quality time off the busy, hectic life. Not needing to worry how to get back. Sigh. Oh well! Looking on the bright side, it is never too late to work hard for one. I guess that is the motivation for now, Work hard, get a job ,earn money, repay your parents, get a car, get a house, get married. 

Before all that could happen, i need to start studying now, okay back to the book.

Empty

9Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. 10Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. 11Never be lazy, but work hard....... 

I just want you all to myself. Selfish? 

Wanting

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=506057599457395&set=vb.170413496330376&type=2&theater

Sometimes, I wish.

My heart is in a million pieces

I'm still alive but barely breathing. the pain, the hurt, the sorrow, the disappointment, is just unbearable. No one really understand what I am and have been through, The heart I hope you still can take it. 

Sparing a thought for others

Decided to remove a few post as I feel that I am inconsiderate. Not that anyone will read but should someone chance upon it, it doesn't reflect very well. I should have thought about it when I wrote them but then again I just use this as an avenue to say some words that are are better left unspoken. Having you trying your best but I am too. It's was never easy, having to handle some much truth. But I chose to know and I need to handle then well. It takes time and it was never easy. That being said, we will see how things goes from here. Sorry for being insensitive!

Memories

As i watch you sleep today, it got me to think why I love you so much, its not because of your looks, but your character, you would always stand up for your friends despite at the losing end. You would go the extra mile for them. Although sometimes you will angst but it is just momentary, after the incident you would forget about it. You stand up for what is right, but sometimes you yourself is also unsure whether is it right or wrong.

I want us to work out, but talk is cheap, Building our foundation is what is imperative. We need to have this common understanding, this common trust for anything to work out. You broke it once. Then again, people do make mistake and here putting swallowing everything, and put my heart out on the line again. It is harder than you can imagine. But i am not going to give up, because you are worth it.

Finding a purpose in your life

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/finding-your-goal-and-purpose-in-life/

A good read, the gist of it is that there is no shame if you do not know your purpose in life, because many people didnt succeed till they were old. Not saying that you will when you get older but it's all about being happy with what you have and doing things that makes you happy. People say that when you find your purpose in life you will be happy, does it mean that for the life you  have spent before you found your purpose, unhappy?

I guess sometimes it is about make the best out of what we have and treasure those who choose to stay. People stay in your life not because they have no where to go or no one wants them, it is simply because you are special and they choose to stay with you despite having all of that.

Trust. The Rule U Stick Throughout.

50 ways to love someone.

1. Accept them for who they are right now.

2. Be nonjudgmental.

3. Do something to help them see their own potential.

4. Be selfless.

5. Make their happiness your own.

6. Write them a letter and tell them how much you care.

7. Be where they go to when their soul needs soothing.

8. Cook them a meal.

9. Show any little act of kindness, really.

10. Listen to them.

11. Forgive them.

12. Cry with them.

13. Visit their family.

14. Go for a long car ride and get to the point where you don’t have to fill up every second with conversation.

15. Never stop reminding them how you feel.

16. Believe in them.

17. Make their dreams your own.

18. Always be honest about how you’re feeling.

19. Be loyal to them.

20. If ever you’re not able to do that, be honest about it.

21. Surprise them with something they love.

22. Be willing to compromise.

23. Keep an open heart, mind and ear.

24. Do what they love with them.

25. Have unfailing faith in your partnership.

26. Defend them.

27. To the extent that you’re both comfortable, physically show them that you love them, as much as possible.

28. Ask how their day went. Everyday.

29. Actually, never stop asking questions. They should be a fascinating entity that you’re always getting to know at an even deeper level.

30. Tell them why you love them.

31. Go for walks together as much as you’re able.

32. Talk about anything and everything. Especially what you are afraid to talk about.

33. Let that person know that they can ask you anything at any time.

34. Let them know that even if, one day, your relationship does end, you are grateful for the time you spent together, and that they will always be a part of your story and your heart.

35. Try to deal with things from the perspective of your best self.

36. Admit when you’re wrong.

37. Apologize.

38. Never forget that life is temporary. It will make you appreciate everyday with that person.

39. Love their body just as it is.

40. Read together.

41. Learn together.

42. Be there to hold their hand when they’re scared.

43. Take care of them when they’re sick.

44. Love them even if they’re temporarily unable to give you love in return.

45. Make sure they know that you are always there.

46. Take them out, for no other reason than just for the fact that they deserve it.

47. Make time for romance.

48. Never, ever, ever, ever, ever give up, no matter how much giving up would seem like the easier thing to do.

49. Love unconditionally.

50. Love yourself.

The last dance

Finally closing the chapter on dance, never thought i could dance, never thought i would i have taken up the idea to dance, and never thought would I be performing on stage. I am rather surprise with myself i must say. Ha!

These two months have been very hard for me, all those internal struggles, jealously, hatred, agony, sadness and heart smashed and broken into a million pieces after knowing all those intimate things you did with him. Whenever I think about it, my heart just stings a bit. But i guess, i might have just love you too much to hate you. Because i truly care for you, your mistake never change my feelings, it is the mind that gets angry but the heart still cares you see. Thank you for the last dance, the last kiss at the dance studio. I gave you an ultimatum, you know it yourself and you need to get those things sort out before anything would move forward. I promise you i will be here for you.

Stay strong my love, you need to stop avoiding. It will not solve anything and at the end of the day you know the problem will still be there. Step into the unknown, venture out and learn. When you have sort of your stuff and you are sure I am the one for you, I will be glad to be with you because thats when I know you are what I am looking for.

This two months have been tough and if not for your word the other day, i might not have realise certain stuff. Thank you for making me grow, i am happy to be your pride and joy. Be strong cause you need to for this self discovery phrase of yours, I can only give and help you so much. The rest is up to you. I have give in my best for this relationship and now it all depends on how much are you willing to put in and work hard for both of us. Will you look back 20years later and have no regrets? It time to take charge of your life and start loving yourself like what you taught me to! ((; I am proud of you too. ((:

Love you R,

Jack

How apt ha.

How, how apt,

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10200331925474577&set=vb.1047651528&type=2&theater


At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone, that the only next possible step to do it to stop. Leave them alone, walk away. It's not like you're giving up, and it's not like you shouldn't have try. It's just you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours will eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.

It's time I gather all my courage and do things for myself.

13th

Happy 13th Month,

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues,they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

I remember this since i was a kid, 10 years christian school (:

Stay Strong Jack, Stay strong. 

What ever will be, will be.

A simple wish would have been nice.

Murphy's Law

The start of Apr has not been good, phone spoil, knock my friend's car. The only good thing is YOU.
Thank you for being there. I think i am starting to communicate more. I am not good at putting my feelings into words but now i am starting to get the hang of it. I am slowly trying. Today, i told YOU stuff that i wanted to say for sometime but never really had the chance to. That again is something i need to work on.

I hope you get where i am coming from. We cannot be going back to how we were back then if not the result will be the same at the end of the day. I want to change for the better and also I want the best for you! I want you to tell me everything, rant!, small little nitty gritty stuff, Because to me, I feel that when you tell me all these, i get to know to you react to situations, what are your opnions, how you think, what you are thinking. that is what matter the most. I really want to get to know you more. I understand you but I dont think i know you well enough.  I want to be your best friend, your soulmate. I want you to tell me stuff so that i can tell you mine also. It is good that i am opening up and trying to tell you stuff.  It is good for the start. I also hope that you would be truthful to me and dont hide stuff from me, cause it will again bring us back to where we were. I want us to come to a point where we can blatantly ask each other questions and we can give our honest opinions and truth, cause we know what the truth will set us free and we can forgive and forget. We should not be judging each other or rather we should behave like adults and put things into perspectives, We need to move on and make it work. We need to rebuild our relationship based on the new things that we found and what each other is looking for.  I know you are trying very hard and i see your effort and i am really very proud of you. It must have been hard for you but this will help you grow. You are 21 already, entering into adulthood. There will come a stage when you get more mature, step into unfamiliar ground and get out of your comfort zone. That is when you finally know what you want out of life. It is not shameful to not to know what you want now. It will take sometime and what you thought you want now might change as time pass, when you gain new knowledge and view things differently. No one is certain of the future, what is certain is you have to respond to situation, rather than react to it.

What can I do about it that will help the situation?

Have you heard of the Cockroach Theory for Self Development?

At a restaurant, a cockroach suddenly flew from somewhere and sat on a lady. She started screaming out of fear. With a panic stricken face and trembling voice, she started jumping, with both her hands desperately trying to get rid of the cockroach.

Her reaction was contagious, as everyone in her group also got panicky.

The lady finally managed to push the cockroach away but ...it landed on another lady in the group.

Now, it was the turn of the other lady in the group to continue the drama.

The waiter rushed forward to their rescue.
In the relay of throwing, the cockroach next fell upon the waiter.

The waiter stood firm, composed himself and observed the behavior of the cockroach on his shirt.
When he was confident enough, he grabbed it with his fingers and threw it out of the restaurant.

Sipping my coffee and watching the amusement, the antenna of my mind picked up a few thoughts and started wondering, was the cockroach responsible for their histrionic behavior?
If so, then why was the waiter not disturbed?
He handled it near to perfection, without any chaos.

It is not the cockroach, but the inability of the ladies to handle the disturbance caused by the cockroach that disturbed the ladies.

I realized that, it is not the shouting of my father or my boss or my wife that disturbs me, but it's my inability to handle the disturbances caused by their shouting that disturbs me.

It's not the traffic jams on the road that disturbs me, but my
inability to handle the disturbance caused by the traffic jam that disturbs me.

More than the problem, it's my reaction to the problem that creates chaos in my life.

Lessons learnt from the story:
I understood, I should not react in life.
I should always respond.
The women reacted, whereas the waiter responded.

Reactions are always instinctive whereas responses are always well thought of, just and right to save a situation from going out of hands, to avoid cracks in relationship, to avoid taking decisions in anger, anxiety, stress or hurry.

 I hope you give me the chance to be there to lend you a helping hand. to see you grow, to see you stepping out of your comfort zone. I hope you can help me grow too. 

I dont know if you have read this but take sometime of to if you do see this post somehow, someday

 http://elitedaily.com/elite/2012/20-good-habits-start-20s/?utm_source=rss

With that being said, lets work hard for our finals and our relationship! I might be spending more time on the books and might neglect you for awhile. I guess this is more important at hand now. Stay strong my love, you can do it! 

Love you,R

Jack

Lets go

Actually I am very happy with how things are now, LIKE SERIOUSLY, FREAKING HAPPY, I can really see that you are trying! I really hope things will turn out for the better! ((: Work has been piling up and i am feeling the heat. Lets brave this journey through together! ((:

Love you, R

Meaningful

He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.
-Bob Marley

You never know, one day, he might just walk out of your life or diseases might take him out one day and that is when you start to regret why you never treasure him in the first place.

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=418934128202591

Random thoughts

But the reality was that you could never love me back. 
You were still in love with someone else. 
You were only in love with the idea that I loved you so much. 
No one else had loved you the way I did, and you loved that, not me. 

How true is that?  
Are we being selfish here? 
I guess at the end of the day only time will tell. 
You have to start loving yourself too (:
 
At the end of the day , who wouldnt want someone who would do the same for them. 
Stay strong jack. (: