After life

As I sit here alone in my room, I thought about life. What life really is and how everyone live theirs. Today, as I send grandmother on her last journey, I saw how fragile life can be, you are just like a prepaid card, living each day with a stored amount in it. You never know how much there is in stored for you, you just have to live everyday as though it is your last I guess. When the value runs out, so do you. You either get send into an incenerator or  get buried. Like a prepaid card, sometimes you are allowed to be topped up, that is equivalent to a 2nd chance in life. But how many 2nd chance do you actually get? Life itself contains a series of trials and errors. There is no standard way of living one. No one tells you how to live, you figure out how to live. Some figure what they want early while others may take their entire life figuring out who they are. I guess this five days have been really tough. I never imagined myself in such situation. I thought I was prepared but I lost it when I was at the hospital. I always asked myself what if that day I ask grandmother to stay over, would it make a different? Would history be rewritten? That's one regret I have. This will follow me a long way and remind me that I should live a live with no regret from now onwards.  Thankfully, I was able to get a grip myself and be strong for the family. As the only son, it's my responsibility to take care of my family when I grow up. I want to do it and I know exactly how I am going to do it. I need to study hard  and get a good job so as to provide for my family as well as being able to start a family myself. I am already 23, and it's time to make some decisions. I am independent but t the same Time I hope to have someone by my side to go through this with me. I understand that there will come a time I will be along.I have to go through this myself, I guess I have done it? I am not sure but something I am sure about and that is dont try to be someone that you are not . You are who you are and those who love you will embrace you.

My dearest pig, if you ever do read this post, I just want to let you know that this few days I have been thinking a lot about us too, how we spend our lives together for the pass year and the half. Despite the negativity recently,  I have never regretted asking you to be my girlfriend. You always ask what I see in you. I dunno how to explain. But I guess I am able to now. You are a very special girl. A pretty and intelligent one. You have your own expectations, your own ideal partner in life. You thought me how to think for myself as well as to think about others. " you don't live your life for other，you live your life for yourself and you live through with your partner" I will never forget this. Or rather I have never forgotten anything you said to me because you are one who matter. I have my own thoughts, opnion, and advise. I am capable to saying them. Trust me, ask me, talk to me. You'd surprise. If things doesn't turn out idealy like what I said in the letter, we know we have tried, we know we given out best, just that maybe the time is not right, the feeling is not right, the person is not right. Only time will tell who's right. And who is good and is meant for you. I am very happy and proud that you have taken step to want a change in your life. Starting to dance was probably the best thing I thought have happened and I am happy that I was part of it. Although, you grumble and angst about dance, you know deep down you enjoy it and is happy to know what you are actually capable of something if you put your heart and soul into it. Did you realise your commitment issues improved? You haven really skip dance no matter what, you need to adapt to committement, and you are capable of it. I am so proud of you too! Stay strong my dearest. Till then just so you know, you will always have a special place in my heart.

I love you, R
I love you ah ma, and may you bless my family and her. May you rest in peace and enjoy your afterlife happily,

With love,
Ah di.