After life

As I sit here alone in my room, I thought about life. What life really is and how everyone live theirs. Today, as I send grandmother on her last journey, I saw how fragile life can be, you are just like a prepaid card, living each day with a stored amount in it. You never know how much there is in stored for you, you just have to live everyday as though it is your last I guess. When the value runs out, so do you. You either get send into an incenerator or  get buried. Like a prepaid card, sometimes you are allowed to be topped up, that is equivalent to a 2nd chance in life. But how many 2nd chance do you actually get? Life itself contains a series of trials and errors. There is no standard way of living one. No one tells you how to live, you figure out how to live. Some figure what they want early while others may take their entire life figuring out who they are. I guess this five days have been really tough. I never imagined myself in such situation. I thought I was prepared but I lost it when I was at the hospital. I always asked myself what if that day I ask grandmother to stay over, would it make a different? Would history be rewritten? That's one regret I have. This will follow me a long way and remind me that I should live a live with no regret from now onwards.  Thankfully, I was able to get a grip myself and be strong for the family. As the only son, it's my responsibility to take care of my family when I grow up. I want to do it and I know exactly how I am going to do it. I need to study hard  and get a good job so as to provide for my family as well as being able to start a family myself. I am already 23, and it's time to make some decisions. I am independent but t the same Time I hope to have someone by my side to go through this with me. I understand that there will come a time I will be along.I have to go through this myself, I guess I have done it? I am not sure but something I am sure about and that is dont try to be someone that you are not . You are who you are and those who love you will embrace you.

My dearest pig, if you ever do read this post, I just want to let you know that this few days I have been thinking a lot about us too, how we spend our lives together for the pass year and the half. Despite the negativity recently,  I have never regretted asking you to be my girlfriend. You always ask what I see in you. I dunno how to explain. But I guess I am able to now. You are a very special girl. A pretty and intelligent one. You have your own expectations, your own ideal partner in life. You thought me how to think for myself as well as to think about others. " you don't live your life for other，you live your life for yourself and you live through with your partner" I will never forget this. Or rather I have never forgotten anything you said to me because you are one who matter. I have my own thoughts, opnion, and advise. I am capable to saying them. Trust me, ask me, talk to me. You'd surprise. If things doesn't turn out idealy like what I said in the letter, we know we have tried, we know we given out best, just that maybe the time is not right, the feeling is not right, the person is not right. Only time will tell who's right. And who is good and is meant for you. I am very happy and proud that you have taken step to want a change in your life. Starting to dance was probably the best thing I thought have happened and I am happy that I was part of it. Although, you grumble and angst about dance, you know deep down you enjoy it and is happy to know what you are actually capable of something if you put your heart and soul into it. Did you realise your commitment issues improved? You haven really skip dance no matter what, you need to adapt to committement, and you are capable of it. I am so proud of you too! Stay strong my dearest. Till then just so you know, you will always have a special place in my heart.

I love you, R
I love you ah ma, and may you bless my family and her. May you rest in peace and enjoy your afterlife happily,

With love,
Ah di.

Silent

They say people think more at night. For me now, it's just the wake, the mantra on radio, and me and my aunt. While she lay there asleep. Here I am, alone, thinking about life. It has struck me that I need to start making decisions in my life, so as not be bother others even if I die. This whole wake has been a fight among the siblings with regards to monetary matter. Seriously, when ah ma is alive, you quarrel about $, when she die already, you all are still fight over it. Grow up will you all. Seriously? I know a lof of cost is involve, just do an accurate account than after deduction of the bai jin, let everyone know if they have to pay? It's just that simple. Why must you all value money more than kinship! I don't understand. 

I ask myself what would have happen if I asked her to stay over that night, will the story ended up TH same way? At least she did eat the strawberries I bought before she move on. I think if I never do that, I will regret my whole life. Life is so fragile. Thank you for coming down today, it really did make me happy. It's little things like that keeps the relationship going! You really did grow up I feel throughout this whole saga. I hope you understand now what is right and wrong. How to stand up for yourself, etc. I think there so much to say but to keeping this short. 

I love you, R. 

First

It has been a long time since I last saw him cry. The last time was when I was young and when his 3rd brother's wife passed away. This time it was different. My family isn't very well to do, at some point of time, he got in and out of work. I used to hate his temper because it often got him retrenched. When I grew up, I start to understand the stress he is going through. Being the head of the house, the whole burden is on him, he got so stressed out that he started to smoke again.

I guess it has been really hard for him, wanting to provide for the family but he just couldn't. Today, as the whole maternal side family struggle with monetary issue, it's time to stress again. Each family is suppose to fork out $500, to other it might not be a lot. But to a family like us, it should mean maybe half a month worth of food. My mother ask if that amount can be paid through installment, but sadly my aunt say there no such stuff. My father also have problem coughing out the money. As stressed out as he is, help came. Ah ma blessing to our family was too I don't know what to say but yea. He strike a lottery. It was our house unit number. The number where ah ma spend her last happy time there. My regret is I didn't ask her to stay over that night. He broke down into tears, touched by how ah ma still bless us even she is no longer with us. I will never forget today where I know how hard he has fought to bring up this family. Don't worry, the family still has me. He is my hero, he is my father.

Fragile life

For the first time in my life after growing up to 23 years. I have a first hand experience of death. My beloved grandmother. She pass on peacefully today at 1.53pm. A lot of emotion stuck me along the way and I called you to come by my side cause I was lost. I never thought I would get caught in such situation that soon. Thank you for you care and concern and advice. You are pretty mature in that aspect I must say. Picturing what you would do. I will stay strong and be the pillar of strength for this family.

Sometimes I guess when do all the relatives gather. To me there are only two event, birth and death. That's when almost everyone comes together and actually htht so to speak. Today I talk to my youngest cousin. He is so smart. He talk to me about zombie apocalypse, and ask me do I believe that burning the joss paper will actually reach grandmother. I told him I guess people burn for a hope, although some may be skeptical but at the end of the day, they all hope that this would somehow reach the decreased, and in a way letting the decreased know that they are not forgotten. Just now as I was folding then,  I felt someone touch my head, I turn around only my nother was inside but I don't think it was her. It may sound scary but I guess to me, she is my grandmother after all. Till then. I have lots of time to think about life and I guess is about time I do something about it.

Lonely night

Somehow, I just wished you would appear right now to give me a hug, not a virtual one.
Waking up in the middle, having the heart stinging sensation is not cool at all. But all is well i will stay strong.

Love in 6 paragraphs.

Love, In Five Paragraphs

MAR. 16, 2013 

By BRIANNA WIEST

I believe you are my person. I love you, even though you don’t love me. I love you, even though there’s nothing in it for me anymore. There’s just loving you, but that’s enough for me. I find you to be one of the most exquisite humans I’ve ever met, and knowing you is all it takes to love you. I don’t need anything in return. Getting to be acquainted with your intelligence, depth, understanding, endurance, humor, wisdom, (I could go on), is what love is, and it’s why I choose to love you so intently.

Thank you for loving me when I didn’t love myself. I pushed away because I believed that I wasn’t worthy of love. I came back because I thought you were the only person who cared.

But you weren’t, and you’re not. You were, however, the person with whom I fell most intensely in love. You reached inside of me and made me feel. And with that, your love made every bit of my unhealed heart and soul surface. And it was all left between us. I believe I’ve healed a lot of it, but there’s always a ways to go. The point is: I credit you for being the catalyst of my transformation. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I believe that love is the essence of everyone. But in the context of being between two people, it is also a verb. And an action is a choice. Physical feelings are just that—physical. But attraction of the mind, heart, spirit—that’s miraculous. And when you choose to love another unconditionally, without judgment, and regardless of what’s in it for yourself, that’s the fairy tale.

I think you need to learn to love yourself as much as I do. And I hope you do that. I will always be close, regardless of distance. I’m always a phone call or a memory away, loving you, and hoping you find peace, love, happiness and whatever else will fill you up and make your life most worth living. Thank you for gracing my life. Please accept this as a token of my love and gratitude, and know that what we shared was beyond what language can construct. So far, this is the best I can do. 

 The 6th paragraph(s),
I want you to make up your mind, not change it. You need to know what you really want and no one can help you in that. Don't feel obligated to stay with me cause of everything I have done. I did them out of love. There are small little things that I done, Like refilling your bottle when it's empty and you have to rush for lessons. Help you check out your lessons venues, getting xuan to wake you up when you have important stuff on while you take your nap. No matter how tired i am i will stay up to make sure you are okay because i would never sleep well either. Tuck you into bed when you are cold., Take care of you when you are sick. Make breakfast for you, get you small little surprises, watch shows with you, fix your bracelets, your bags borrow books for you while i am away to keep you occupied, nuaing around doing random stupid stuff. go shopping with you, go groceries shopping together.Making cards and stuff on anniversaries to show you that i really treasure this relationship. I did all these because i love you. I never ask for anything in return even knowing maybe there is nothing in it for me. I am not stupid nor blinded by love. I guess this is what you do when you truly love the person. I want you to be happy, for if you are happy, I will be.

Love is a funny thing, you can spend a long time with someone, but when it really connects, you just need to spend a month with the other and it felt like ages. You cannot force yourself to love someone. Stay because you hope that there will be a future between us, not because you feel obligated to do so after I have done so much for you. Yes, i will be sad, i will cry like there is no tommorow but time will heal. And when time comes, you may have figured out what you want. You may realise that all these while what you are looking for is just right in front of you. That's when our relationship will progress. Eventually, I may not be the guy, there will be someone out there who you love not sure if as much as me but they will do the exact same thing. I think it will be a nice feeling if both does the same for each other in their own ways. So far to be honest, i never really felt that till recently where you cook me breakfast, you buy sushi to surprise me. I really appreciates that.

Ultimately, if you do choose to stay, i hope it is something that you want to.  Leave when you need to. or I will leave when time is up. My presence is not doing you any good cause I never stop loving, but for you, you might feel pressured. Thinking that you should stay cause you "owe" me. No one owes nobody. From the very first day we talk, I knew you were special and I just knew I needed to talk to you for I don't want to regret for the rest of my life. I am glad that i did it. I never regretted. If you do read this post, take sometime to thing, I am not forcing you to make a decision nor am i telling you what to do. I know you don't like it. I just want to both of us to be happy. Be it being together or not. For you always be that girl who holds a special place in my heart. Thank you for coming into my life.
I love you, R

What is cheating in a relationship/marriage?

Shared by Phillip Mudavanhu

Cheating doesn't mean you have to kiss, meet or have sex with a third party. Once you find yourself deleting texts and e-mails so your partner wont see them, you are already there. Its like a cancer it develops slowly but you will surely feel the pain when its fully grown. The funny thing is most of the times, people try to find what they already have because they don't just appreciate what they have. Remember the grass may look green on the other side but what if you could just invest time and energy by watering the one that you have. Wouldn't the world be a better place to be today?

Can you imagine how strong your relationship would be if you would not waste your energy, resources and time on things that have no future. Secret, small, hidden relationships are like ticks they suck all the good things out of your marriage or relationship and makes it unstable. it will take you more effort to repair what you would have damaged and the sad thing is sometimes those wounds might never heal.

Now with these so called social networks (Facebook, Skype, Whatsapp, Gtalk, iChat and many other platforms)- so many marriages and relationships are being damaged behind the scenes. Have you ever calculated the time that you invest in these social networks? What if that time can be used to promote those areas that you are struggling? Evaluate what the gain and losses that you have at the end of the day because in every conversation its either you are gaining or you are losing?

Stop sexting and flirting with those people- Yes you know them. Imagine your partner (Husband/wife) reading the messages that you receive, would he/she reply with a free heart on your behalf???? If the answer is NO, then that is an unhealthy chat/ talk that you are having Stop it before its too late. Some mistakes will cost you for a life time yet you could have just avoid them by just ignoring that chick/ dude who now loves you because you have been turned into a better 'asset' by your current partner. Where were they when you were struggling?

Please may you all get rid of all the parasitic relationships that will always be a treat to your relationships' healthy. Fight for what is right and never give up on the one you Love. Yes l said health because you have to know and take care of it just like your body. Love it as you love your body, maintain it as you maintain your skin, teeth, hair and nails. True love means hard-work. Do not apply if you are not prepared to take the risks. Stay out for a relationship if you still want to fool around (but that has its own price) because a relationship calls for great deal of commitment.

Most of the young people think that they will start being faithful when they get married- Word of Advise (You can never teach an old dog new tricks) That is why they are so many broken familes because people think they still have time to adjust. Start practicing being true to yourself when no one is watching because that's who you really are. Besides its by nature that what goes around comes around- Do you think the person that you got out of a secret affair will stop just because you are now with her/him?

Does nice guys always finish last?

Happiness in hard times

I have this book title "Happiness in Hard Times". I always read it when i am feeling very down cause somehow reading keeps me sane. I do not know if that is good or bad. Ha. In any case. Sometimes in life, people do not really know what they want. There will come where they will figure out but they just dont know when. This whole month have got me thinking of what I want out my life. Actually, up till this point, i am still uncertain of my future. Results aint that fantastic, Floorball seems to have stagnated. And Ah ma is not in the best of state. Love life has been going through a roller-coaster ride. Everything seems to be crumbing down. Murphy's law? HA.

My Ah ma plays a very special role to me. I remember when I was young, she always scolds me for being very talkative and problematic. I keep asking questions, why this, why that, which i think sort of irritated her. As i grew older, i talk lesser. and i think she starts to appreciates me. Now i am her most loved grandson. I guess sometimes in life, it takes a while for people to get to know you and like you. Tears well up as i type. i guess i cant carry on further. Something to share from the book

Nevertheless,  Acceptance is knowing your current situation and moving of'f' / on from there. not get stuck in in. I am trying my best. its tough, just take one step at a time. 5mins. 5mins.

Happiness

Sometimes in life, its the little things that matter. Your surprise sushi meant a lot to me. Probably i crossed your mind? Hahah. I am deeply appreciative of what she did. She cared for a friend like how I would. I guess thats what innate in you. No matter how much you angst, scold them, dont care about them. When they ask you for help you still will. Thats something i really like about you. That is just you.

I can really see you putting in the effort to try things. I am also giving in my 120%! Nobody knows what will happen in the future. One thing for sure. You will always hold a special part in my life. (:

Love, Jack

Hug

They say if you want to know how much a person love, hug or kiss and you will know. I always thought it was frivolous until today where I hug and i left the room crying silently.. It's not the same anymore. )':

Silent Love

"Sometimes it is the words that are unspoken that matter, because we never stop silently loving those who we once loved out loud”

You don't know the first thing about love

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/you-dont-know-the-first-thing-about-love/

I guess this post pretty much sums up everything. You need to know love before you can love. Love is not what can be said through words. It is the action that counts not the definition. Talk is cheap, that's why i always show by actions. If you happen to read this someday, take a step back, take sometime to think. I can be proud to say that I love you and i meant it with all my heart. Till the day, you say  I love you wholeheartedly, maybe not to me, it will be the day that you finally thought through what you want out in life and finally grow up.

I love you, R

Priorities

I guess there will be a time when priorities in your live change. Be it the goals you are perusing  the dreams you are living, the things you wan out of the relationship that you are in.

Being so easily available might not be a good choice after all, people tend to think that you are always there for them and you will never leave them. That is true to certain extent and it applies to either the lover or the best friend. What if one day, they are not around anymore, will you realise that they are gone? Are they important in your life? Will you ever hurt them? Can I really trust you?

Love

" Love is not about fear nor is it about possession". To me it is better to have loved than not. Over the seas of girls, you were the one that shine, the one that brightens up my day even with your drooling face. I guess it is not you that I do not trust, it is him that i dont. At the end of the day, i hope you are not blinded by love in a way. Do the right things, do the fair things, do the necessary thing. I may not be the one you love, but i am always there for you, there may come a day where i take my leave, dont miss me when i am gone, treasure me when i am around. Remember who was there with you during your lowest time, they are the one who deserve you at your brightest.

I love you, R

Letting go.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/how-we-let-people-go/

This very much sums up that letting go is not a loser mentality but a brave act.


Letting someone go — when it is a necessary act of self-preservation, something that has to come if you expect to move forward in life — is regarded as a kind of victory. You have successfully overcome an emotional trauma that once surrounded you like a kind of fog which prevented you from ever seeing the sun.

Of course, you never really forget anyone, but you certainly release them.

The people you will all in love in your 20s

I guess at the end of your day, people walk in and out of your life, you should continue to care for those that matter and let go for those that does not. At the end of the day, you never know who is falling for that smile.


http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/the-types-of-people-you-will-fall-in-love-with-in-your-20s/

I miss you

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/i-miss-you-already/

Got me thinking of how badly i miss you even though you are just right next to me. As clique as it may sounds but i generally get the idea of the greatest distance between each other is when you are right next to them but you cannot love them. Right now at this juncture, I have told myself in order for anything to work, I must have trust in you. I trust you, with all my heart. Take it and dont break it. 

Lost

It's so painful. I do not know what to do. You are still so close with him, He still text you things normal friends do not text. I seen it all, i choose to remain silent, not because i am giving in, but because you told me you will try but are you trying hard enough, that is what i want to know, i put my heart against the line again. It is okay if you choose to leave ultimately because you find someone better but for my sake, for you said you care, spare a thought for me. It is either you and him text lesser or ask him not to send those msges or I will leave and let things flow naturally. It so hurting and sad till the point I am totally lost.

The First

Today was the very first time someone cook breakfast for me other than my mom. I was deeply touched. I guess to me it is just this simple things that makes a big part of my life. I may not talk a lot but i observe a lot. I will work on that and perhaps you can work more on observing? Maybe there will be a point in the relationship where we do not have to communicate and by the slightest of actions, we will know what each other wants. That is what I call at the performing stage. It is not just the breakfast that touches my heart but your effort. I really appreciated it.

I love you, R

The end or the beginning?

If you are reading this, probably you would sometime in the near future. This is how i am feeling at current state:

Lost? or in denial? I really do not know what to feel anymore. I cannot differentiate what you say is the truth, or just a white lie? I only want the truth, even if it hurts. I want to hear the truth from you and no one else because you are the one that matters. You are the girl whom I really love, but to you i may just be that romantic friend. But ask yourself this question, have you ever loved me? Even a tiny little bit? If your answer is No, I guess there's really nothing much to talk about already. I cannot and do not want to change you for that would not be you anymore. If you keep wanting to see him and stuff, it probably meant that i was not as important as compared to him. It just meant that I have been your guardian angel for the past 1 year. I have no reason to stay any longer for there is a better man out there for you and I am willing to set you free.

It is not because I do not have a temper, it is just that i choose not to show, maybe this is something i did wrong throughout this relationship. You ask yourself another question again, when you are out with him, doing things we shared with him, what is running through your mind? Am I in it? Do you even feel guilty at all? I know deep down in your heart you do but sometimes you just choose to do it. My dear, do you know my heart is made up of human flesh and it does feel. Can you feel my pain? my hurt? my devastation? can you? I know you have been there and done that. Now that roles are switched, can you put yourself into my shoes and spare a thought about me? I only have this much to give, this much to love. Do not take them for granted! If you cannot bare to leave him and he cannot bare to leave you. I will help you make the decision. I will leave, and yes leave and never look back because i cannot take this pain anymore. I draining me out. You say you care about me, spare at thought about me, so when you are with him, what does that mean? I am insignificant? Yes, you say the problem lies with you but did you just settle with that or you tried to work on it? If me leaving will make you grow, I would, for I have taught you how to think, how to see things.

Yes, he might have made you think, make you questioned the underlying problem between us. Anyone could have done it, yes you are complicated but yet simple. In any case, i am not in any position to tell you what to do. You know it yourself what is right what is wrong. Do not be caught in between, do the right things and do it for those who cared and whom you cared.

If for the question about whether you ever loved me, and the answer is a yes, then i urge you to find it back, tell me what is missing and not others. I swear to you that i will make it work, we will make it work. At the end of the day, with so much being said and you still do not want to help yourself. I can only say my job is done here. I did what i promised you at my own will, If you haven realised, all that i promised you, I have done almost all.


I cared for you ( feed you medicines, take you to the doctor, tape your wounded leg so that you can bathe, use hot water bag to ease your cramps, when you have sore throat make honey water for you, so much more.
I loved you even if you throw your random tantrum and angst at me, maybe it's my fault that i give in too much

 Be there for you( wait for you after nussu then we hang out, went to support your first ever performance with nussu, let you angst about other ppl like dawn, etc.

 Do nice things for you ( bought tiramisu(jackangmissyou), wrote songs, poems and drew stuff to cheer you up and all, Use post it to make heart, use candles to make a heart to ask you to be my girlfriend, and so much more.

Cried with you over your first heart break( friends with benefit movie) and random emo days when you relive your memories. when uclas results was out, when you talk about your family and friends, when you watch sad movies.

Laugh with you over stupid videos, movies, random sleeptalk regarding makeup remover.

Threw you a 21st birthday party so years down the road you will not regret.

Yes, I done them all on my own accord and I am happy that I did it.

I have been there for almost everything till now and I am glad that you were there for me too. Maybe my role being there is because i see myself as your best friend, your boyfriend, your soulmate. For you, i am not sure. Now life presents you at a crossroad, you can either stay on at your own will, which means there are certain measures and actions that have to be taken or you can choose to leave. Because  staying will only bring about more pain and suffering. Do it because you want it not because you have to.

Tears rolled as memories flashed back, I guess sometimes people hold on to memories so dearly because that's the things that never change even if people do.

In the book of 5 people i met in heaven, there is this thing about sacrifice.

"Sometimes when you sacrifice something precious, you are not really losing it, you are just passing it on to someone else".

I guess it is time to give an ultimatum, if you cant make up your mind, I would. I will be sad, hurt but this is just part and parcel of growing up, I do not need to show, as for those who understands and cared will know even without me showing. Nevertheless, I have never regretted loving you. My only regret will be not being able to see this relationship blossom. If ultimately you choose to leave, i will give you my greatest blessing for you have found someone that is better than me, who will take over me and do all these stuff with you. With that,

I love you, R. 

Saying

Someone told me this:

"Yes, you can have someone else and yes you can have a better relationship with that person, in fact, there are many people you can have a better relationship with, rather than the current one. So it is all about being content, especially the current one is so nice to you. and the current one could do the same but he chose you"

I find it quite meaningful, but then again I thought to myself, where is the benchmark? or rather when should we feel contented? where is the end? If we do not experience better, we wont know that there is better. But i guess what would be better is that the person choose to stay with the latter and make the relationship better together.

"In relationship, you either gain a friend in life, or you get a lesson in life".

Part II

Moving on to the point of how much can one love?

For me, I think I am quite an emotional guy. I often dive into things too quickly and end up getting hurt pretty badly. I guess this is the first time I really experienced love. Maybe one sided but at the end of the day, it is always better to have loved than not to. I am truly glad that I met you. I was there for your heartbreak, to ease your heartbreak. I don't know if it was the right thing to but I know its the correct thing to do. being there as a friend. As the days goes by, feeling start to develop and things start to change. It all started out  with a forbidden forehead peck and things start to advance. Yup, it was not a very good start and you did told me not to get too serious but i did anyway, naively trying to use my actions to prove to you that I am serious about this relationship and hope you would sooner or later follow suit.

However, that was never the case. A trigger came and you soon realise that this is not what you wanted, I cannot give you what you want. That trigger might have catalyzed the underlying problem of us not being able to communicate effective, me not being able to give you intellectual talks. I admit that is the problem on my side. I do not talk much perhaps is just the way i was brought up. I was perpetually alone for a big part of my life. Yes, I have tonnes of friends and a few better ones and actually that's it What I really want out of a relationship is that my partner will love me, sometimes do nice things for me. care for me, ask me what's wrong when I maybe looking down, most importantly growing together. For your case, it never really did happen, you did nice things for me, waited for me to end training, cook for me and a lot more and I really appreciated them a lot. Somehow, love was always avoided. I think about a lot of stuff actually but just not sure how to sort that thought of mine out. I want to talk to you, i want you to listen critically and sincerely. I hope it;s not too late. I know you have make some grave mistakes with that trigger (I know, I really do). I guess it takes both hands to clap.

I know you and understand you well. Sometimes you did things that follow your heart but not your mind. It is perfectly okay, I never have and never will judge you for you are my beloved. Come to me, talk to me, talk it out with me, I want to know more about you. Listen to your inner mind. Do not talk to others what is meant solely for me or they would soon take over my job. You should do the right things even if it mean to hurt someone cause at the end of the day you know that its better to hurt them now rather than to hurt them later.My question to you is, is this really what you want? If you have thought through carefully and all and come and tell me this is what you want, I am willing to let go, set you free from all these pain. Yes, it is painful, it stings, it hurts but love is not about possession, its about seeing the person truly being happy. If there is someone whom i think can give her a better life, I will give me greatest blessing and I guess this may be the true meaning of love. With all that being said,  I hope you will make what is best for you cause i want the best for you. The best for you might not be the best for me but at the end of the day, I would be happy to see you find your true love. Till then, you will always hold a special place in my heart.

One can only love so much.

I must say thought catalog really have some good read. I do not know for the fact that if it is because of me relating them with my feelings, or they are just truths in generally. This post really struck me to think.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/do-you-love-her/

How much can one really love someone? I will come back to this.

Hi, I am back here again, I come to this realization that I only come back here when I am sad. Well, the truth is, it is actually quite true. Generally, when people are happy, they may tend to forget who they really are, forget things that they normally do at the expense of  happiness. However, this should not be the case, you should live for yourself and not for others, something that i learn recently. I think I really grown a lot from this, in terms of looking at things from different perspectives. Understanding, the true meaning of what certain things really are. I read this recently from the thought catalog and found it very meaningful.

 http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/inconvenient-truths-about-love/

 Love is never about possession, it is about loving one another unconditionally and setting each other free when necessary or when you feel that he/she would be better off without you. That being said, don't walk out on them, stay by them and see through their happy journey for you have did something great. The greatest love. As of now, nothing is certain and no one knows what will happen in the future. Worry when future comes, meanwhile, live life to the fullest and stay positive!!

devasted

When i thought my life has reached a high, it smacks me right down again. i am devasted. i spent much of my time in training and in the end i got nothing. i dunno what to say or do anymore. my results as a result has also hit rock bottom. whats worst when i thought granny is going to get better she ended up in s stroke. life. hahha. i guess the only thing i still have or hope to have is you! you are all that i have left. i hope you stand and stay by me through this period even if you are halfway round the world. i really wish you would appear and let me hug you tight right now. i miss you and i love you

Dilemma

God can you tell me what to do? you put me in this situation whereby doing either seems to be wrong or neither is right? Is there a message or a lesson that you want me to learn from here. Studies have not been good either. i feel like i am a stupid piece of tard. While others are scoring and i am not. is that what i am suppose to do? what should i do? please let me know.

Dilemma

Sometimes I just dont know what i should do. A part of me says yes, the other NO! I think i will just let nature takes its course once again.

not forth-looking

Sometimes I wonder why I behave this way. I can give ppl advice but when things come pouring on me i just cant seem to pick up. I think sometimes i just think to much. i guess this is the only place that i can come to, to say out everything i want to say. cause i dont think anyone would understand through what i am going through. sometimes i really admire those ppl who can be nonchalant about things. dont they have feelings? i guess i am just too emotional. if only we have meet earlier? i guess only time will tell. oh well.

CHOICES

I dont know why i am back here, but the fact that i am here, i shall pen down something.
Oh well, Uni life is rather stressful as things are going at a very fast pace and all you could do is write at your fastest pace. sometimes i thought i understood but it turns out that none of it was true. but thank god i've got you. you make bad days good. But i really dont know if what i am doing is right or wrong. can someone please tell me?

BIRTHDAY

I had the best 21st celebration ever. Awesome frens, great food. what more can i ask for. little do i expect to see som many ppl at my house, its like i am holding a party at my house and everyone came. Love to see familiar and those long time no see frens. Sorry to those whom i never really catch up you all with. (: i really hope to spent time with you all catching up. And those who never came i also hope to see you all soon ((: i guessed i am not the only one alone now that i have so many of you all around. ((: love you all to bits.

To Niggers: you guys are the best guys frens that i ever have!!! although its is hard to get the full attendence everytime but this time, we have done it and another quan jia fu picture is taken!! thank you for lameing with me, joking, sharing exp and ..... hahah. you guys know what i am talking abt. Hope this will be the year where we start all our tradition. we have start from our bd and now the next thing is tuan yuan fan time ((:

To 3/4 grace "13" frens

LOL. i think we should come out a name soon. thanks for the awesome k session, i have always crave to that and you guys seems to have just read me like a book. ((: love doing stupid crazy things with you all like shouting, kping each other for leaving early via a vios (opps now a suzuki), jiaoing with OSY! talking the whole night just to let van know how much it takes to be H*A*L. Zw trying to be drunk to blend in with the crowd. Melson's innate ability to know everyone of our frens including their surnames, sometimes even the full name. LASTlY the always handsome andre that thinks of joke almost instantly, like who the heck knows what they do at the age of 50?? LMAO!!!! you guys just rock my world. i hope that we will stay strong tgt and go aust tgt like we have always said. ((: XOXO

To JOYCE and Van and MeiMEI;

Thank you all for going the extra mile to surprise me. meimei secretly giving her no co-ordinating things with them. Although i may scold you but in my heart i really adores you. <3>

TO HPTs:

you guys made me who i am today. if i didnt join hpt, i wouldnt have know you guys and who not be as outgoing as i think i would be now. no matter how long we never meet, the moment we see each other, those memories just ties us back tgt. and out every year christmas party was totally havoc. this year esp was one of the most fun christmas i ever have. hope to see more ppl next time!!! ((: with pride we lead, with humility we serve!!! HPPPPPPPPPTTTTT!!

TO AO ppl:

You guys were the least i expected, i am sry cause i really do not knwo you guys very well, but thanks for gracing this event of mine. i am really grateful to have friends like you all who shall a common goal with me with is to brings student ard to have fun and at the end of the day bringing them back safely for their love ones. Is abt making them smile and laugh. ((: this is how we make our day! ((: Love you peeps ((:

A big thankyou to all those we have came once again. I am that jack who will be always there when you need me. anything just text or call me and i'll be there whenever i can!! ((: (Y)

Passion

Sometimes when you want to give up, just rmb those things that have push you this far till now. I tried my best, or i think i did. with a sprained ankle. we still lost. I am definitely not okay with losing, who likes to lose anyway. Oh well. i guess i will just have to keep pushing. till the day where i dont see the need to any more. It's is suppose to be something that would make me happy rather then something that would bother me. What dont kill you only makes you stronger i guess.

and ard 70 days more to freedom. please come soon as i cannot tolerate those people anymore.

Back to square one

I realise for most of my life I've always been putting others b4 self, thinking about how others will feel etc. i never really cared about how i feel and what not. Sometimes i just dunno what to do maybe its just the way i am. i dunno. maybe it's time ti start loving myself and starting thinking more for myself.

Lonely

Long time since i last blogged, just felt like doing it today.

Today was kind of a bad day for me. yes. i lost the match. not the team. i was the liability instead of the asset as i always thought i would be. ); Its weird how i know i can do it better then the rest but time and time again i just flop. thinking that there will be a second chance. NO. there is no second chance. i dunno. i was totally off the whole match. not talking or whatsoever. I have been playing it for close to 5 years? or more. and i think i haven improve much. No point talking abt it. Is over already. I just need some super cheesy strawberry aka SCS to cheer me up. I'll proved my worth in the next match. Thats the promise i will do for myself.

Do you ever feel lonely? like there no one free for you. or there's nothing do to. I dunno sometime i feel this way. or maybe when i am sad i feel this way. Actually i'm a rather shy person. keeping things to myself. but if you asked i will say. haha. weird rite? i dunno. i just hope to find someone whom understands me even if i dont have to speak up much. or accompany me through the gd times and bad times.

AND I WONDER IF I EVER CROSSED YOUR MIND, FOR ME IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.

ndp

Finally, it all comes to an end. 4 months of preparation, just for the very day where singaporean unite together to give our well wishes for singapore. 45 years of safe living, that counld have happen by accident. but anyway, i think i'm so going to miss my monday off. back to 5 day work week. back to camp. facing KNQWERTEFJNC ppl. seriously. they are getting on my nerve. thank god its just half a year more. ((:

No one can never give up on you, only you yourself can.

someday

Somehow, someday is what people always say when they want to find excuse for themselves. but it just takes one day for many things to happen. Just one day.

People only realise your importance when you are not around them. ironic.

Anyway, I got so much things but so little money.

I wan to buy new tv, renovate my room, new watch, new hp, more clothes, new shoes. oh well. got to save up soon. ((:

what a month

July is a very short month for me actually. ndp offs and overseas vacation just helps to make your life in army so short yippee!! haha. anyway this month have been a un-couple month i think. i see so many of my frens in r/s problem, sometimes i think if it is worth it a not to get into a r/s. i think somehow, someday two people is going to fall in love forever till they die. But b4 they are able to do so, they go through a series of test b4 they are eventually get together. god is fair. he created us in a very special way. he gave us two hands, two legs, two eyes, two ears. two nostrils, two kidneys. but why only one heart. actually he created two. just that the girl has one and the boy has the other. ((; rite? haha.

have you ever felt lonely. no one to meet. and wished you have someone to call upon who will be there all the time? a companion? i dunno. sometime i just feel this way. maybe because i am the only boy less my father in the house. my others siblings are female. which makes me only having myself to talk to and maybe spidey? haha. but i am lucky to have frens around me whom i know i can depend one. but sometimes you just feel that they have their own stuff to attend to. you may treat them one way but they may treat you another. but true frens will treat you like how you treat them so fret not. ((;

REDANG

Back from a short vacation. ((: yippeee. REDANG!!!! cool place. beaches. sand. a place where you can let down your guards and just chill. did many things that never in my 20 years of life did. like ear candling? full body massage? snokelling? air brush tatoo. really a very unique exprience with awesome frens. ((: photos on fb soon i HOPE! haha. ((: back to reality. back to camp. back to the emo me? haha.

DIMSUM

Though i wat a FML friday, weekends was great. met up with chunfu and reagen and we treated reagen to dinner for his bd. ((: yea. sat was not much just duty and watching 富 贵 门 。 quite an awesome show. and i am finishing soon!! yea ((:

sunday was good. rested at home b4 heading out to tampines to ref. Very happy to see eileen there! haha. thought got no fate to see. but in the end we still saw each other. haven seen you in two weeks. anw. she and tania waited for me to ref over. (gulity much) then tania drove us to bkt. but it was closed! )): saded. but we went over to geylang for dimsum! IT WAS AWE- wait for it- SOME man!!! love dimsum. esp prawn stuff like har gao!!! YEA!! can eat like 10000 of them. haha. then went over for some or nee. that very much summaries that day.

Anyway, sometimes ppl feel down all of a sudden, they are just sad, dunno for what, i guessed its just some days when things just dont go the way you plan it out to be. oh well. live it, or leave it! ((:

melacholy

TODAY IS SERIOUSLY FML!

Early in the morning, i was full of confidence for tp, all went well till it goes to the road. seriously frk the tester. oh well. sad ttm.

And i recalled back to camp again for investigation. WTF. seriously. no mood to blog.

somebody Embrasses-moi? yea i noe it's not the end of the world. but it's just i guess disappointment? you know as usual.

WHoo.

Start of duty month.

actually i think we are now all numb by duties. we will just do and suck thumb. actually there's nothing bad about doing duty cause you are basically living in your own world. haha.

like every other saturday, its NDP!! whoo. today was a rather short one as the p5 kids bus jammed up the city march route so we dont need to form up. what makes today so funny was the they actually took the TRS to call my hp

TRS: Is this 3rd sgt jack?

Me: ehmmm, uhmm ya?

TRS: IRON CHARIOT x3

Me: SMLJ?(never say out). ok.

Me: think hard. wa. SHOCK.its the recall codename.

Me; call ISAIAH.

ISAIAH: LOL. its shawn who called you using the TRS. LOl.

Me: !@#$%^&*() LOL. hahha.

Frking epic man. ((:

end of daY

Song of the day. 听 海

297th

THis is the 297th post. I vividly rmb setting us this blog all for english purpose.But it ends up after 5 years that i am still using it. When i look through some post, i felt rather childish at some of them, but then again, at that time i am sure i wouldnt be thinking this way.

5 years have passed and so did a lot happened. walking out from you wasnt that easy as i thought it would be, but i did and time will really heal. i dont hate you for what you did, i just thought you ought to explain. but i guessed something are just better off leaving it the way it is.

I think i have grew a lot this five years, not physically as you can see. haha. still as short. i think that is one thing that bothers me sometimes. Is like dude. i am like so short and girls nowadays are getting so tall!!! how to find the right one? oh well. lets see how things go. Mingyan the great has calculated some of my pa zi and he said i'd have a wife. let's see if he is as accurate as paul the octopus. haha. jk

I've been thinking all this while that i revolved my life around ppl. without them there's no me. I do much but i dont hope for anything in return, i just love to see people happy and will be delighted if i am the one who make them smile! I think i am born this way. haha.

no mood to blog already tata

Times with you.

Times nowadays is really great. time spent in camp

Watched Knight and Day and IP man over the week, both movies were awesome, but mingyan told me that the IP man movie was all fake, not true at all. sian max.

Tuesday was fun filled. Virgin trip to Bukit timah and Bukit batok nature reserve! LOL. two wondering souls waking around aimlessly, exploring places, seeing chickens and baby chicks, knowing facts about lychen etc. ((: Climbing over fence, cabbing at short distance. haha. Last stop was Yang Rou Tang. Love it maX. thank you for the fabulous day!

Wednesday was shag max. Butter was boring.

Thursday was metting up session with kl where she never fail to update me about her life. she just told me not to be a relationship guru cause she hates it that i am always right and that she would have to pay me next time if i become professional

Friday was dinner @ Sapparo with eileen. The ramen soup was awesome and the on too, just that it was a bit salty. The gouza was AWESOME!! i just love dumpling!!! ((: and prawns! bought some jap food @ japanese delight and bought tong ruo shao! Yay. chestnuts and red bean paste is gd. Red bean is my fave too. red bean soup and potong!

Sat was ndp! without sleep cr3. Hope you guys enjoyed the show, though it was rainin, or mao mao yu. but nonetheless the show was worth it rite? (: TimbreD! Long time since i went there. It is still one of my fav place to chill and relax. Its just different at arts house or substation! OLD SCHOOL ROCKS my socks. Finally as promised i brought you there, 142 steps was worth it rite? ((: Roast duck pizza ftw! yea!! Yesterday duo was awesome too. singing my fav songs almost all the way. OK i will try to beat you in finger guessing! RRARRR!!! Martini wasnt that great. but overall i did enjoy myself much! ((: hope you too!

The whole week was rather shagg, having to take photos in no.3 and sleeping less than 4 hrs a day due to wc. but it was all worth it (: i sure did enjoy myself this week!!!

Sometimes it is not the place you are at that matters, it is the person you are with at that time that matters. I think this life i am born out to be a listener. I love to listen to ppl when they talk about their lifes and stuff, be it good or bad, one call and i will be there. I think i have this strange i dunno that connects with people. how i am able to understand them and know them. It's strange how i know it too. Maybe i just realise the smallest thing? But it can be my weakness too. ): Anyway i love the way i am just that i am short ): haha. hope for better weeks ahead.

Thanks for being such a gd fren and companion, her beautiful jade. ((:

Movie

She's out of my league was hilarious!!!! haha. *try pronouncing it faster (wm)

Knight and Day was Awesome too. 2 movies down. many more to go ((: yea.

Happy people attract happy people!!

love

When you know that something is impossible or you dont want it to happen, then dont commit and fall too deep, because you will only get more hurt. (:

Embrasses-moi?

myself

Only when you start putting what you think into action, then you will get the result.

Only when you start procrastination,then you will get what you want.

Only when you start to feel happy,then you will be happy and so do the people around you

Only when you start loving yourself,then you will be loved by others.

Only when you start, then you will...

AIrplane

Sometimes, its best to leave the beautiful things beatifully.

sick

Bing dao le.

I' guess it's time i get use to being lonely.

happy day

When you are happy, you attract happy people. (: lol. today's long day at ndp. walked up and down from suntec to padang. Perspire like no body business. but i did a good deed today by help one guy to retrive his trambone. He was nice to thank me ((:

When you give someone something and hope for something in return, it's no longer a gift but an arrangement.

BFF

Some point in life, you just dunno where you headed, where you belong and why you live for. You just spent day by day, living each day like every other day. There comes a point in your life that people come and go, there are people who stays and there are people who doesnt, those that stays maybe your good friend. but those that doesnt, does not mean they arent your's. Maybe it just ended up in a bad way. Sometimes you wish to be rich. you see people with cash, cars and they are around your age you asked, "why is heaven so unfair" what did he/she do to deserve all that? but you never know that they may come from broken families etc.

People only see things from one side sometimes, they forget about the other side. before you start questioning people why they treat you this way, think about how you have treated them in the first place now or even last time. When you are down and upset, who is there for you. when you are lonely and cold, who is there to accompany you and let you feel warm. When you are happy and want to share your joy, is that person who is around you still around, or random people start coming out to share with you. Often it is these people who share your lowest time with you, that wil be your closest friend.

This week, pass pretty fast, Nothing much happen actually, apart from pasting stickers and writing all over padang, walking 10km in a day from F1 paddock to the Marina bay sands. This sat is sure going to be rowdy as we move towards padang.

Anyway A-team was awesome ((: Adios.

on the line

I hope this week would be better, cause the last weeks sucks, from pses, to major upsets. it just makes me down like a lonely boy.

Anyway, BFF, i dunno if you have forgiven ( dont dare to contact you)but if you are reading this, i hope you have, cause i really dont want to lose this friendship due to this. there is always a lull period, but i hope after this incident, it would only make us closer and not drift apart. we still haven planned our assumed trip yet. we have been there for each other through thick and thin. midnight tau huey! jiao-ings, 2mins to lose 120$ and much more. i just hope 7 of us will stay strong for each other. ((:

SAD

Sometimes its hard for instant forgiveness, it will just make that person just too piss off. When time kicks in, you wonder have the other party forgave you, or are they still waiting for you to apologize. Friendship is on the line, nobody wants to lose a fren. esp for me.

Yesterday i talked to someone whom i have not talked to for quite sometime. she reminds me that i have been like taking care of ppl all my life, like its my forte. who is going to care abt me then? Sometime ppl care because they cared, and sometimes they care because they hope the other party would reciprocate. I know there's fren out there who cares. Sometimes you go all out, but get disappointed with the responses and actions by others. Why make things so complicated, sometimes to make it worst, it looks like you are the only one who gives a damn and other just being nonchalant. Then you think, why should you give a damn then. they can like that why i cant be the same. When you settle down to think, someone has to do it, if they dont, it will still come down to you. and that's the start of the vicious cycle.

Actions speaks louder than words, but sometimes, you just dont know when and where to start.

Friend

Sometimes when you thought it was all fun but other ppl dont think so, shit happens. when you wan to salvage things. it just gets worst. no matter how strong the friendship, it will take a long time to heal, but the damage, the crack will always be there. Time will heal, but the scar will always be there.

Sometimes you wonder, you do a million good things and ppl will only rmb a few, but you just need to do one wrong, and ppl rmb it a lifetime. you just cant get the best of both worlds, finding a win-win in every situation. You are gd to one, you hurt the other. you wan to get angry, in the end the other party becomes more angry. and you feel frk up. funny isnt it?

this week aint really a gd week for me. dont feel like talking anymore.

ANGRY

Today is sucky. EMOed me. ignts.

Stayover

Stay Over at zoe's house was awesome!! Times spent with you peeps is always fun filled with laughter. ((: even simple game like ASSHOLE daidi could be of so much fun. acting like Van's doll to play ban luck with her. and not forgetting aNdrE imba skills of fortune telling with poker cards. let see how to what extent it will be true. ((: Talk lots of craps and had pillow talk. LOl gossip girl? haha. and sharing of girls side and boy side abt relationship. Maybe Van and Dre should switch sex? HAHA. and our assumed trip may end up assuming. but like what we all all agreed on. no matter where the destination, it will always be fun when we are all around ((: yea! lets hope its not assumed. i try my best to make it true!

If you miss the train I'm on,
You will know that I am gone,
You can hear the whistle blow a hundred miles.
A hundred miles, a hundred miles,
A hundred miles, a hundred miles,
you can hear the whistle blow a hundred miles.

Lord, I'm one, Lord, I'm two, Lord,
I'm three, Lord, I'm four, Lord,
I'm five hundred miles a way from home.
Away from home, away from home,
Away from home, away from home,
Lord, I'm five hundred miles away from home.

Not a shirt on my back,
Not a penny to my name.
Lord, I can't go back home this-a way.
This-a way, this-a way,
This-a way, this-a way,
Lord, I can't go back home this-a way.

If you miss the train I'm on,
You will know that I am gone,
You can hear the whistle blow a hundred miles.
A hundred miles, a hundred miles,
A hundred miles, a hundred miles,
You can hear the whistle blow a hundred miles.

Hey soul sister.

Yea. 5 days of long weekend. sometimes you just hope that the weekend never ends. Anyway. a quick update. Thursday, booked out at around 3 and went to look for JIM's present. i hope he like it. or say he better like it cause me and joe walked for bloody long time to look for it. ((: happened to pass by bras basah so bought the dictionary along the way. hope you like it (: sweetness rite? haha. anyway then headed to meet andre, zq, mel, zw, zh for dinner and to look for Van's present. Unsure of what to buy we practically walked aimlessly till all the shops closes and we got nothing. then melson left and wm came to meet up for prince of persia. mid night show again. but this time diff. for the first time i never fall asleep. was really a very nice show i must say. better than the one i watched midweek.!!!! dont ever watch once a gangster!!! LMAO. So headed home to crash after that.

Wake up early to meet sy to look for Van's present again. and she was late for like an hr. ok i sort of anticipated it already but then oh well. yea. she woke up at the time of meeting, FML. ya so went to river island and finally managed to get Van a pair of flats for work and sch perhaps? hope she like it. BETTER LIKE IT. wahhaha. and had fun shopping with sy. *its calling out to you* inside joke haha. FUN. then went to enous for driving. was brought to the circuit. quite scary i must say. yup. must try to improve on my driving. ((: yea!!! hope i an one time gd one. After that headed down for Jim's charlet. ate. and play cards. Damn fun when daryl the bodoh bodoh is around. WHAHA. then home for overnight mj and without much sleep headed out for Van's birthday celebration. Now i am back. tired ttm! shall end here. hope the individuals like your presents ((: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU PEEPS. Have a blast!

280

Today is the 280th post. and its already may for the 2010. Next sat will be someone birthday, someone whom is special to me 5yrs ago, though now things have change and i am glad we are still taking friends ((; Past is just not worth mentioning as it would only bring more pain and sorrow. Just hope she will be doing well in her life and find her happiness. Although the real reason for her to back out was not really known, but i guessed no point finding it out 5 yrs later. Anyway just hope she realise she does have friends who cares and love her where they dont usually express themselves out openly. HA. anyway. all the best to you as this chapter finally has come to a close. It time to move on and i have already moved.

Not that now i have someone special to me, but i will keep finding. keep searching till i find one. I think the most impt thing is finding someone whom you can talk to and she understand who you are, no matter what you are. but now i think i will have to ifnd out what i want to study in the university. i dont want to waste my parents money studying something that wont help me in the future. 8 more mths to ord. how cool is that. ((:

And if you happened to read this, Happy birthday ((: All the best for your exams results. Friends (:

High archiever

I Fallen short of OUTSTANDING SERVICE MAN, and i got a high archieveR award. NOt say i am disappointed though. Against all the regulars, i am definitely put at a disadvantage. HA. Anyway, There's still time for improvement. I shall strive harder and aim for that award. ((: Yea.

Sometimes i wonder, If i do good to ppl, will i get good back? haha. beats me

Prayers

Sometimes I really wonder if my prayers were really heard. Life is really getting boring nowadays i must say. Although I got two other siblings at home, but i still feel alone. sometimes i just really wan a companion. someone that you can count on. someone that love you, be there for you. Not that i boast, but i am pretty sure i do make a very gd fren if you know me well enough. just dont take advantage of me. (: sometimes you just wonder, why is it that ppl do not reciprocate what you done onto them (the gd ones) they just remember the bad stuffs that you have done and bare grudges over them. You can do a million of goods things, but you just have to do one wrong and people will always remember that one thing that is wrong and forget the million good things that you have done for them. Human nature. Irony?

boon or bane

Sometimes, i got the ability to predict things, other times its just that i am lucky, or just that i am more keen and sensitive to the things happening around me.

Probably because god knows when i last felt cared and loved. thats probably one of the reason why i dont feel happy for longest time. i know that there are ppl who cares and stuff. perhaps i just need companion. IRONY?


Every time you walk away or run away , You take a piece of me with you there.

unhappy

I just dunno why i just cant be happy.

HYPE

I am feeling super hype now!! OMG OMG! this week has been a very slack week after all. Tuesday all I did was to swim and relax! LOL. then wednesday was a bit tougher. just ovm and sim. But anyway. Wednesday got psed! was rather sad as i have got like no plans since my only plan was to meet them. I wanted to call justin out, but then i know he is working so didnt want to disturb him, wanted to call zoe out since she has all the time in the world now that her exams are over. but i never did that. i dont like to get ps actually. ok who likes it but then. oh well. anyway. i went to bishan with army frens for dinner. then went to drink koi, then this amazing thing happened. its like god knows i miss them and make them appear before me. i saw justin at KOI with mysterious lady LOL. but i was like omg! wT! no way. i told him abt that i wanted to call him, i swear its true. Then talk to him for a while then i dont want to disturb him so left him. we meeting sooN yea!! ((: then after taking my koi, we walked to J8 and then OMG! WTF! i saw zoe, min min and shu mei! SERIOUSLY man. HAPPY TTM. see two ppl whom i wanted to call them to meet but didnt. that really made my day sia. With mg around, my days will never be the same!!! ((:

TOTAL HYPENESS!!!

Life

life is like a video game, sometimes it gets exciting when you explore new things, sometimes it gets draggy due to the cut scene. The amount of credits you have depends on your previous life and the goods you do in this. some game can be never ending, some might just end abruptly. But whatever is it. you are the one in charge of your own game. so start taking it seriously now. (:

Reason for the realisation abv, one of my juniors, an avid hpt member passed away after slipping into a coma due to a car accident. Life is so fragile. Although some ppl might be tough on the outside. small viruses can already take them down like squashing an ant. My recollection of him was him being a small and cute boy. speaking in those sha sha voice. a ncc member, I was their camp chief for their training camp so I know each one of them. Maybe I have not train them well? maybe the programme wasn't as it turn out to be. But no matter what, he still pass out as a hpt.

I did spend sometime to think about hpt like again. HPT was like a family to me, a place where people joke around and have fun, and at the same time fostering camaraderie while working together to up a good show. Those Freaking SMART! late night camp planning at mac, it was all worth it as you see the smile on the campers face and everyone being safe. All was good till something, someone mess it all up. what's the point when eventually you win in the end? are the people very happy about it? as educators, isn't it your obligation to nurture students, and ensure that they grow up as happy and knowledgeable children. What's with all these politics, bringing in personal grudges into the whole thing wasn't so professional at all. so not very cool! but oh well. Whatever has happened, happened. No point crying over the spilled milk.

OK on a lighter note, celebrated Zw birthday yesterday, they got him a LIVERPOOL JERSEY! and a shirt from slirpingape . cool shirt! had a great time. everytime when i am with them, be it niggers or grace clique, its always fun filled with LOUD laughter ((: looking forward to spending time with you peeps again soon. and also to friends i have not seen for days, weeks, months and year! LOL ((: see ya. i love you guys.

KEEP SAFE.

LOVE?

This week pass quite fast, probably because the week starts on Tuesday? Amry is becoming more hetic i think from now to ndp and to aao. i thought time would pass rather fast but someone seems to have freeze my time, slowed it down for me. I do not hate him, but I just dont like him, the moment he open his mouth. i just feel like slapping it shut. but anyway lets not talk abt the sad thing.

On a happier note, weekends was great for almost all the later part of the day.

Friday met Eileen for dinner at mi mi ji di! HAHAH. ((: glad she liked the place. She is really someone very special to me. as somehow sometime she can read my mind. I dunno how but she can really do that. ha. and we never seems to run out of things to talk. Although she annoys me at times of conveniently not replying me, but she is showing much improvement already. HAHA ((:

Sat: met up with nigger bros. Needless to say, when they are around, fun is around. ((: words just cant explained. i just love them

Sun: reagen and chunfu for prawning. the trios are out once again. although i always keep quiet sometimes but actually it's just that u dunno how to express myself. if i cannot say anything nice, might as well dont talk. but strangely enough they can somehow get me to talk. LOVE YOU PPL

Thanks for making my this weekend so special.

FRIENDS

I love it when ppl send me sweet or random messages.

SELFISH

Sometimes you juse cant help feeling frustrated when you are doing a lot of things and other ppl just ROC. YOu feel bad when you ask others to do stuff, you feel unsafe to entrust something to others cause you may end up doing double work. FML. Does capable people always have to do more? WTF man seriously. One day i might just explode.

I am pretty nice guy, but that doesnt mean you can take adv of me. There's a limit to everything, Dont push it!

Time

When something comes and hit you very hard. you think at that point of time. There will be no return, you are not going to feel better, you are not going to be better, you are just going to suffer. People always come and comfort you telling you that time will heal. You just do not want to believe. How is time ever going to heal for a broken relationship, a lost of loved ones and etc. But those who have walk through it knows it, it is true that time does it, it helps people to forgive and forget.It helps to relieve the tension, give you more time to think logically and rationally. TRUE?

(: cause I think it's true.

Weirdos

Actually, i think humans are very weird ppl, they can love ppl, hate ppl, bring down ppl, laugh at ppl for no particular reason. They may just be talking bad about ppl at this end, but the next moment you see them tgt tgt. LOL. Weird isnt it?

Coming to one year solider. lots i think i have seen, and i think that almost enough for me. Really sick and tired, when you are more capable, you do more work, so why the f* you be capable for sometimes you think, but it just runs in the blood i guess.

With great powers, comes great responsibility. (:

Dont say for the sake or saying, say it because you mean it.

BENJAMIN BUTTON

Its saddening to see someone you love lying there, not being able to help and all you could do is just be there to make them feel better. You will never know what will happen tmr, cherish everyday like your last day, then only you will live each day to the fullest. STAY STRONG!

Tears welled.its is disheartening to see those children you have "rear" neglects you in the end. what the point of giving birth to so many, yet its just a few who gives a damn. i wouldnt be surprise if the day you are gone "touch wood" they would be quarrelling. not even letting you leave in peace. ): But heaven have eyes so do you. you know whose gd to you, and whose those NATO.

I rmb when i was young, you dont like me, you always scold me, say why am i so ji cha aka talkative. I also dont like you cause you always scold me. I dont like you cause you dont like me. HAHA. typical child mindset. But things starts to change as i grew older, i am more aware of things. You start to like me, so do I. (:

Anyway, watched i not stupid 2 on channel 8 yesterday, nostalgia kicked in as 3 grace classroom was in the show, so many things happened in that classroom, happy and sad. Makes me kind of miss phs, the food last time, the teachers(some of them) the buildings, the people. the carnival, the soccer with uniform. times where red shirt stood proud. times in the lib, com lab, sci lab, music room. NPCC, floorball. so many memories. which i could only look back now. (: oh well, this is life.

chapfallen

Sometimes I wonder why is it like that. why is it that some people are gd, some of them are bad. Sometimes you wonder, why is it that people must make you life miserable, some must make things hard for you. is this really a dog eat dog world? Actually just touched your heart, did i ever say no to all your request? did i ever not do things b4 hand? I have always done things in advanced, if not to the best of my ability, you dont appreciate nevermind, but at least have the courtesy to do something nice in return. what's the point of accumulating them and not able to "redeem" them. its not like i asked for a lot, it's just once a month. Dont ask so many reason, if i am happy, i would be more than willing to do what you asked me to if its within my limits. i hope things will turn out better, i am just hoping, after all its just 10more months

Blast

random msgs and surprises is what i like. ha. maybe i just need some care and concern.

No matter how strong one appear on the outside, he has a weak side.

i hope that she will be fine, after all she's the only one've left with. (:

feeling elmo's fren

Melancholic

Its funny sometimes how directors get their ideas to film a movie, could it be from a personal experience or from just pure imagination. Sometime, people just wan to shift their responsibility, its so easy to say I dont know anything, you just shifted your responsibility. It's amazing how people can me nonchalant about things. claiming recognition where there only did a small part of it while others have been working their ass off. The person lying there is your mother. she not even died yet, and there you'll are fighting as though as its not already bad enough. Cant you just spare a bit of your frking heart to care for a old lady. It does not matter how many times you visit her, it can be only once but that one time you go there because you truly care and not because you go for the sake of it. FOR GOODNESS SAKE, cant you adults wake up! SERIOUSLY, HEAVEN is always watching over you,they know what you are up to and who you really ar.

It's disheartening to see the sight. Tears just welled. JUST MAKE SURE SHE IS FINE AND THAT'S ALL I ASK.

WE THE KINGS

Do you remember the nights
We'd stay up just laughing
Smiling for hours
At anything
Remember the nights
We drove around crazy in love

When the lights go out
We'll be safe and sound
We'll take control of the world
Like it's all we have to hold on to
And we'll be a dream

Do you remember the nights
We made our way dreaming
Hoping of being
Someone big
We were so young then
We were too crazy
In love

When the lights go out
We'll be safe and sound
We'll take control of the world
Like it's all we have to hold on to
And we'll be a dream

Whoa whoa
Whoa whoa
Whoa whoa


When the lights go out
We'll be safe and sound
We'll take control of the world
Like it's all we have to hold on to
And we'll be


When the lights go out
We'll be safe and sound We'll take control of the world
Like it's all we have to hold on to
And we'll be a dream

We all have a dream, you always thought that once it is fulfil you will be happy, but then again you have another dream, you just keep dreaming more and more till you forget that you cant fulfil your dream by dreaming it. Some parents are classic examples, ie to say, if their dreams cannot be fulfil, they pass it on to their children and put it nicely as their dreams. but have you ever thought that your child(ren) may not actually want to be this nor that?

No matter how afraid or how sad you are, you got to be strong and show your (: side

YOU WILL NEVER WALK ALONE

When you walk through a storm,
Hold your head up high,
And don't be afraid of the dark.
At the end of a storm,
There's a golden sky,
And the sweet silver song of a lark.
Walk on through the wind, Walk on through the rain,
Though your dreams be tossed and blown..

Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart,
And you'll never walk alone.......
You'll never walk alone.

Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart,
And you'll never walk alone.......
You'll never walk alone.

NOW I WALK ALONE, WHO WILL BE THERE TO JOIN ME?

need you now

Need You Now Lyrics

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reachin for the phone cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Yes I'd rather hurt than feel nothin at all

It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now

And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now

And I don't know how I can do without

I just need you now

I just need you now

Ooo, baby, I need you now

have you ever wished that someone will be there for you all the time, maybe not all the time, but when you need him/her, without a second word they will be here. i am lucky to have some of them but sometimes they are too caught up with their tight schedule. its non duty months for 6 weeks, can enjoy long holiday((: ord lo. LOL. sometimes having a girlfren is good as if all else fall you know that there will always be someone there for you,but that doesnt mean you neglect your friends, after all friends are always the people that will stay with you the longest least that girlfriend of yours becomes your wife. OH WELL. SO BORED!

NICE

TODAY WAS A FAIRYTALE, met up with reagen, chunfu, vanessa pin wen kailing fishy and wilson for alice in wonderland ( less pinwen) then headed for timbre, however due the long queue we made our way to chijmes where we went to hog breathe. ((: sometimes the simplest thing is the most wonderful thing. (:

130310, time pass really fast, 5 years have already passed. we have moved on for the better, and memories will be there to last.(:

TIRED

Tired of being what you want me to be, tired of doing stuff that are not in my job scope. tired of ppl pissing me off. but the irony of it is i like to get praise of doing extraordinary things in ordinary ways. Sometimes it just helps if there is another person who really understands you and love you. no need to many just one will do. This 5 years have been a rather quiet year with no emotional ties, i enjoy being single but on the other hand i want to find someone too. its not a must, but a bonus. oh well all these can wait, but now what i really want is to ORD! yes! ORD and nothing else. Although i noe what i am doing is something great ie protecting the nation sky, but sometimes when i am off duty, it makes me wonder why am i wasting my time here. although it is better than studying but sense of enjoyment sometimes you get when you are studying is far from anything you get when you are in the force. people dont praise you for your hardwork, although some do. while others just try to smoke their way through so as not to get themselves into hot soup. whats the point of doing last min work when you can do it daily and makes everything done easier. oh well. thank god i didnt sign on. or should i say, its not my type of job.

Anyway, lets not talk about work. talk about relationships. with parents? sometimes you just wish that they can understand you a little more, but sometimes you just feel that you can never be as close to them as you are, with your friends. but you know that they are the ones who will always be there for you, forgiving you, not neglecting you like what some of your friends may do. ironic isnt it. Sometimes you just want to be left alone, doing absolutely nothing at all, but then you somehow hope that someone wil msg you out of the blue and ask how are you, you get al excited and thrilled. then again you get annoyed if the person you receive the msg from is not who you wan it to be, you get even more annoy. THE most annoying thing is that if you are on off, the office still calls you to ask for stuff. although that may show your importance but it also shows that they are over reliant on you. oh well. suck thumb.

i dunno, i just like how someone will pat my head and call me *sha gua* silly head. it just make you feel love. feeling of being sayang?

THE TOUGHER THE PERSON APPEAR ON THE OUTSIDE, IT ONLY PROVE TO SHOW THAT HE IS TRYING TO COVER HIS WEAKER SIDE.

WOW

YET back again from a long week. practically did duty for like friday, sunday, tuesday, thursday and this coming sunday. oh well. suck thumb. but doing duty also good means you focus on just doing duty. FYI i dont do guard duty, I do duty of protecting the nation's sky. WA. IMBA rite? haha. people always think i do guard. nvm. I went out to eat dinner with my parents after so long. guai siols. ((: hope everything will stay as it is.

PS

Sometimes you just hope that the thought in your mind would be read by ppl even without you telling them, its amazing how some ppl does it. you just cant seem to figure out how they do it. oh well. it is the silence that is deafening. Anyway, back home to catch a breather before another stretch of duty surface. start to feel numb about duty as you do it more often.

Last week was fun, going to melson house and dinner with bmt peeps. its amazing how ppl have not meet for months and when they are together, there is alwasy things to say, talk and laugh about. all those foolish, silly things that ppl did. LOL

Anyway i dont like the feeling of being PS. like who likes it anyway, but it is saddening when you promise and you break it. i am very happy-go- lucky actually. I will do if you asked nicely just dont pissed me off or accuse me of something i didnt do. This year fan tai shui, and mommy told me that i shall control my temper and not vent it out as i like if not it wont be a very nice year for me ahead, esp to superior. LOL. so qiao. how can i not believe? anwyay its march already for 2010, so fast you may thing, soon enough i am a one year solider waiting for ORD. HAHA. cant wait for it man. HOORRAY POPING to zoe house later. TA!

FRENS

Friends are very special people. There are a lot of people out there saying that they are BFF, BFFF! but do they really mean what they say? Hmm. True friends are those no matter what time, how long you have never meet. one call it all that it takes for them to help. A friend in need is a friend in deed. Sometimes you just wonder how someone can be so cruel yet not feeling guilty themselves. could it be because someone did similar things to them and they decide not to be that good samaritian anymore. or do they feel great to see people suffering? But i do believe no matter how bad a person is, there still present a compassionate heart in him. agree? suddenly dont feel like blogging anymore. TATA

LOLx

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY ZOE! had celebration at zoe house yesterday. TOTAL FUNNIEST. LOL. due to my very special BFF coming out with out of the world topic. LOL. HIGHNESS. POP the question on when you think our friendship will last. HA. although its random, but will the 7 of us be separated? with melson going to leave for states to study. and the girls graduating? finding their half apple. could it still be the same? or at least still keep in touch? same goes to niggers. Friendship is like relationship it takes all the parties to put in their part and nt just some. well i already have one that is on the verge. lets not talk about emo stuff. and I quite like what zw said yesterday nt because its nice to hear(no doubt) but what he say really set me thinking and i think its really true. HE said that i am one who shines whenever there's a group around me. shines nt as in taking the limelight but in a good way like more happy. and i start to eel all emo when i am alone. LOLx really. that how i feel also. i have build a relationship with people around me. i like having companies although sometime i like to be left alone. but more often than not i usually prefer to be with people. one of the most happiest times is playing floorball. Many memories left in there, all the training and stuff. actually apart from making into the national squad is one of my dreams i have another which i think it can be fulfilled easily is people i love come down and support me in my match, be it family, loved ones, friends( only jonathan, kailing and reagen naughty) once. i hope there would be really someone( chunfu and gang, zq and gang, zoe, sy and van and gang and all my close frens) just watch me play. although you all may nt understand the whole game play but its the presence that matters, give me the courage and support. probably then i will further excel. LOL. but anyway i dont even know if i am going to continue to play in the uni. let see how things goes. think thats abt all. SEE YA. OH! OH! OH! OH!

bumpy ride

LIFE has recently became a roller coaster ride for me, it started low, slow, but sunddenly you feel like you are on cloud nine where everything around you was perfect, you feel happy and all, but the next moment when it starts to descend. you start to feel queasy, feel afraid, the highness was soon over and even worst you found that you are having motion sickness, one moment of highness, happiness resulted in the day ending like crap, you feel down, upset, frustrated when people around you start giving that nonchalant attitude where they don't care about their stuff. they just want to cruise their way through when you someone who is responsible enough starts to gain recognition and people entrust things to you and you find yourself having so much to do that it never seems to finish, yet you may be happy that people trust you and task things to you, on the other hand you see others doing nothing but just stay around looking handsome, you just cant help it but to grumble why is it that they can be slacking their ass off and you are practically doing everything. why must you care so much, lets just get everyone frk. but you know you cant and can do nothing but to suck thumb as you do not want to spoil this relationship as you still need to face them almost the whole entire life. they are not bad i must say but they should be show more initiative and help out. when you dont have anything to do, it doesnt mean that other people have nothing to do, help them, so things can be done faster, quicker and everyone can be happier. why be the best when the best have to do everything, why be the lousiest when you know you can be the best?

FUN

THANKS BFFs for today, it really caught me off guard. i really did nt suspect anything, it was a total surprise for me ((; yea! THANKS. i really appreciate a lot. ZOE' mom fried rice, Shi yun granny curry, sandwiches from zoe, minmin and sy. SPIDERMAN CAKE FROM Van! ((: NT FORGETING ZW ANDRE AND MELSON IN THE CONSPIRACY, and the WOW WET TIME! lol ((: xie xie

I PRACTICALLY SPEND MY BD AT HOME. ): I GUESSED EVERYONE IS BUSY AND I HAVE TO GO FOR WEDDING DINNER. SUCKS! HAIZ. HAVE YOU EVER WANDER IF YOU PUT FREN AS IMPT PPL> DO THEY DO THE SAME? YOU ARE ALWAYS THERE FOR THEM, BUT SOMETIMES THEY JUST CANT BE THERE FOR YOU. SO LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE!

BIRTHDAY

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF? HAHA. turning twenty this year. finally reach the 20 le. old le. start to be an adult? LOL boon or bane? i dunno. nth to blog now.

LOVE

Back from a much dreaded week. NTH much to talk abt. Life is getting boring. what would it be like next week, would it be the same. lets hope i wont be disappointed.

NEW YEAR

IT"S THE START OF THE NEW YEAR! ((:

5 years now have passed, but it just seem to like happened yesterday. I am glad you still kept some of the stuff. (:

IT TAKES TWO HANDS TO CLAP

IT has been how many donkey months (even years) since I last blog. I do not know why i feel like blogging today. Time flies and its gonna be a new year ahead, throughout this year, nothing much have happened to me i guess cause i am in the army for almost 24/5. But throughout this past months, you can see that people do change, although they may say that they didn't but it's often the people around them who can sense or feel their difference. Last night i was bombarded with something, something that really sets me thinking,the channel U show 'THE PROMISE'. A short film abt a girl who is intellectually disabled and she fall in love with this normal guy (whom the society deemed as normal) in the very place they are working. It's very hard to explain, it there is any possible means to watch it, go watch it. It may look like a typical love story but have anyone thought about the parents of the girl feel? You may think that I am stupid, who in the right mind would think of such think, This is completely normal as people do not think of such stuff until they are trapped in them. Ask yourself, would you care so much abt your diet if the doctor did not tell you that you will die if you dont. would you exercise if you found out that the shirt you bought last month could no longer fit you and that you will die of illness? would you appreciate what someone has done for you all this while but one day they are gone or one day you are the one actually doing it. Although they might have exception but all that stated normally reflect itself in desperate times. It applies to sometimes too. Bringing back the point about the parents and the girl, the analogy that i am trying to draw from here is that, sometimes you cannot think only from your pov, you need to spare a thought of others too, try putting yourself in others shoe. What if your children was like that, who you scold them morons? It's always in times of desperate that people start to panic, start to think, start to be more understanding and compassionate.

It is the same for relationships be it family, girl-boy, gd girl-gd boy. It takes two hands to clap, it cannot work one way. Dont always think people are not putting in the effort, ask yourself, how much effort have you put in? And also, you may have put in YOUR 100% of course it would be gd that others have also put in their 100%, BUT look, others may think that they have already put in their 100%, but to you it is nt the 100% that you assume, you aspect, you demand it to be. SEE. it boils down to you. yea you. you are the one who deem the 100%, if you lower your standards, expect less and if it goes more than it, would not you be happier? Of course, there's always the presence of exceptions. when that occurs, it is time to reflect.

When will one start treasuring their things, it will be went those things/ people are gone be it forever or just for a little while. Make it a habit to say thanks, or at least acknowledge what others have done for you. sometimes i wonder, why be the gd ppl, it is always the gd ppl that suffers, in movies it is always the bad people that last throughout the movie, the gd ppl dies in betw and only one which is the main lead of the gd ppl stay till the end. so why be gd, but think of it if you become bad, then you reciprocate, arent you being that bad person that you hate? Oh well, contradiction again. IRONY. PARADOXICAL.

I am not trying to say big words here, i am just trying to state my opinions, my stand, my side of the story. i am not very gd at writing, but i am rather vocal.
Sometimes i wonder, whenever people ask me for help or whatsoever, my first ans will always be an yes, sometimes no questions asked, although they might be exceptions.
But when it is the other way round, there are only a few i know (hope) i can reply on. Actually i am quite shy in nature, although it may be otherwise when you know me well enough. haha. Actually i dunno why i compose this today, some random thoughts?

It is through misunderstanding that there is common understanding.

Hatred

There are good and bad news, The good news is the days are limited, and it's almost ending. The bad news is i have to tolerate for another two weeks or so. what am i going to do. will i be able to pull through. this is so not me. i dun wan to wear a mask. i cant help but to feel down at times. HAI. GOD tell me what to do. Make me a way when there seems to be no way!